So, the 3Ls made their own list. Here [corrected from the print version] are the results as announced at the Barrister’s Ball. The mostly likely to...
• Marry a client is Lewis Stoddard.
• Marry their secretary is Lewis Stoddard and Seth Gordon.
• Become a professor is Seth Gordon.
• Become a politician is Brian Wonderlich.
• Be a criminal defense lawyer is Chris Christensen
(close runners up Megan Yeates, Tom Lyden)
• Be a civil rights lawyer is Solmaz Rafiee-Tari.
• Be a prosecutor is Dave Whipple and Nikki Owens.
• Become the next Johnnie Cochran is Dean Bennett.
• Become an advocate for exotic flowers in the Amazon is Amber Ellis (close runners up, Ray Thompson, Brad Willis, and Abbi Baron).
• Open a bar after law school is Jim Bielenberg (close runner up LemMackedon).
• Be the most fashionable in court is Jordan Leroy (close runner up Stephanie Sterling).
• Wear a polyester suit to court is Brad Willis.
• Be the next Judge Judy is Katie Garcia (close runners up Pele Peacock and Keisha Oxendine).
• Be on the Idaho Supreme Court is Brian Wonderlich.
• Use law books as coffee table books is Zach Thompson (close runner up Phu Chau).
• Use “I am a lawyer” as a pickup line is Lance Fuisting.
• Take their dog to court is Jacque Groff.
• Become the next Nancy Grace is Katie Garcia.
• Sue Wal-Mart is Maban Smith.
• Defend Wal-Mart is Andy Jolly.
• To marry and open a practice are Rob Berry and Sara Bearce, and Megan Mooney and Brian Wonderlich.
Monday, April 30, 2007
News Briefs
Grades, standings available in June
As finals approach, the specter of grades can’t be far behind. In an e-mail sent last week, the law school’s pseudo-registrar Sande Schlueter said students can expect to see their grades via the university’s online Banner service by June 2. When they are completely uploaded, she will send an e-mail notification to that effect. Sande asks that students not e-mail her asking when grades will be posted.
Standings are processed after grades are turned in and posted and should be available shortly after June 11. Once processed, the standings are final and are not calculated again until after fall semester.
Summer remodel will focus on technology upgrades
Over the summer, the law school will begin extensive renovations of the Courtroom and Room 104 that will leave them upgraded but unusable for part of the Fall semester. Construction in 104 will likely be completed by the end of September and the Courtroom should be finished by the end of the semester.
Work in both rooms will focus on technology upgrades and acoustic improvements. The rooms will also be made compliant with changes in the building code and Americans with Disabilities Act.
“The courtroom is going to have technology installed in it that will enable our students to be trained to practice in the most modern courtrooms in the country,” Dean Rich Seamon said.
Other summer projects will replace the current carrels in the second floor with new ones similar to those in the basement and replace the furnishings in the student lounge. The lounge may get new carpet and paint but those projects have not been confirmed. Dean Seamon confirmed that the only game table that will remain in the lounge is the ping-pong table.
Some Fall classes to be held across the street
Due to construction projects in room 104, large-enrollment classes will not be held in the law school until October. Instead, classes that do not fit in either of the smaller rooms will be held somewhere in the general campus. The law school has not confirmed a replacement location yet but Dean Seamon said that the school would likely hold classes in the Borah Theater in the Student Union Building.
As finals approach, the specter of grades can’t be far behind. In an e-mail sent last week, the law school’s pseudo-registrar Sande Schlueter said students can expect to see their grades via the university’s online Banner service by June 2. When they are completely uploaded, she will send an e-mail notification to that effect. Sande asks that students not e-mail her asking when grades will be posted.
Standings are processed after grades are turned in and posted and should be available shortly after June 11. Once processed, the standings are final and are not calculated again until after fall semester.
Summer remodel will focus on technology upgrades
Over the summer, the law school will begin extensive renovations of the Courtroom and Room 104 that will leave them upgraded but unusable for part of the Fall semester. Construction in 104 will likely be completed by the end of September and the Courtroom should be finished by the end of the semester.
Work in both rooms will focus on technology upgrades and acoustic improvements. The rooms will also be made compliant with changes in the building code and Americans with Disabilities Act.
“The courtroom is going to have technology installed in it that will enable our students to be trained to practice in the most modern courtrooms in the country,” Dean Rich Seamon said.
Other summer projects will replace the current carrels in the second floor with new ones similar to those in the basement and replace the furnishings in the student lounge. The lounge may get new carpet and paint but those projects have not been confirmed. Dean Seamon confirmed that the only game table that will remain in the lounge is the ping-pong table.
Some Fall classes to be held across the street
Due to construction projects in room 104, large-enrollment classes will not be held in the law school until October. Instead, classes that do not fit in either of the smaller rooms will be held somewhere in the general campus. The law school has not confirmed a replacement location yet but Dean Seamon said that the school would likely hold classes in the Borah Theater in the Student Union Building.
FUISTOS
by Ty Bair
In honor of the graduation of the perennially hard-working LANCE FUISTING, Inter Alia presents
FUISTOS ...
... to Professor LAURIE O’NEAL for hosting a small party at her house in support of the BSA. The party was utterly without incident. No shower doors were broken, no faces were scarred, and no Subarus were barfed within.
... to 1L student MEGAN BARTLEY, who took down third place in the 9th Annual Palouse Invitational Wet T-shirt Contest at the Hyde-Out Tavern in Colfax, Wash. on March 2, besting 2L student TED REINBOLD.
... to 2L student “Anonymous” THOMAS RODGERS, whose first act as SBA Sergeant-at-Arms was to ban full golf swings in the basement. The new policy will still allow chips, flops, putts, pitches, punches and “other utility shots.”
... to 2L student WILLIAM KENDALL FLETCHER on finally resetting the clock. He just now realized it was daylight savings time.
... to 5L student BRIAN BUCKHAM, whose knowledge of Criminal Law will soon be tested for the 400-500th times.
In honor of the graduation of the perennially hard-working LANCE FUISTING, Inter Alia presents
FUISTOS ...
... to Professor LAURIE O’NEAL for hosting a small party at her house in support of the BSA. The party was utterly without incident. No shower doors were broken, no faces were scarred, and no Subarus were barfed within.
... to 1L student MEGAN BARTLEY, who took down third place in the 9th Annual Palouse Invitational Wet T-shirt Contest at the Hyde-Out Tavern in Colfax, Wash. on March 2, besting 2L student TED REINBOLD.
... to 2L student “Anonymous” THOMAS RODGERS, whose first act as SBA Sergeant-at-Arms was to ban full golf swings in the basement. The new policy will still allow chips, flops, putts, pitches, punches and “other utility shots.”
... to 2L student WILLIAM KENDALL FLETCHER on finally resetting the clock. He just now realized it was daylight savings time.
... to 5L student BRIAN BUCKHAM, whose knowledge of Criminal Law will soon be tested for the 400-500th times.
We dress, you decide
by Travis Woodland and SODA
You know, sometimes it’s easy to say you like homos, and sometimes it’s not. I don’t mean “like” like – that’s always hard. Ask a homo. They’ll tell you.
The Sexual Orientation Diversity Alliance (SODA) recently asked its fellow law students to show a little support for their gay brethren by wearing denim on April 18. “Why denim?” you may have asked yourself. The simple answer is this: to trick you. No, really. If you wore jeans, you like gays (and lesbians, bisexuals, and transgendereds).
Obviously the last sentence was a lie. Denim does not make anyone a liker of anything but denim. The real purpose behind the “Day of Silence” (jeans day) was to get people to think. That might seem an anachronism in a law school, but it really isn’t. How many times since your first day in this building have you thought about how your actions and words affect other people, and not just those that SODA tries to represent? I certainly don’t very often.
It’s a small world here at UI-Law, and nobody wants to be left out. We all make assumptions about our fellow students: Mormons, Catholics, atheists, African Americans, Asians, gays, ex-military, men, women, drinkers, druggies, sobers, parents, bachelors(and ettes), socialites, quiet people – all of them. I’ll let you in on a poorly kept secret: Few of those assumptions are true.
Asking people to wear denim might seem like a strange segue into the whole “when you assume you make an ass out of you and me” argument, but it really isn’t. The clothes someone wears can lead to just as many assumptions about a person as any other aspect of their life. Jeans represent comfort, the fashion equivalent of feeling like you belong and aren’t going to be singled out based on someone’s assumptions about you. How comfortable would you be in your favorite pair of denim if it became the new ‘gay thing’ to wear? Besides, we couldn’t have asked you to dress up in suits; many students won’t even do that for the Idaho Supreme Court.
Nearly everyone in the law school donned their Silvertabs, Tuffskins, and Gap relaxed fits, with a few notable exceptions. To those who wrote their feelings about gay rights, even those whose feelings don’t embrace the ideals of SODA: thank you. The point of having discussions about human rights, gay or otherwise, isn’t to force a viewpoint on someone; it is to ask people to think about why they feel how they do. Much like faith, an opinion is only worth something if can withstand test and attack.
Unfortunately, some of our students chose not to wear denim. I don’t mean that they forgot and wore dress pants because they always do. Some people (you know who you are – and so do we), always wear jeans; just not on a day when wearing jeans might make people think they supported the homos. However, their fears were unfounded: there is no way any of us would have thought you supported gay rights. But, thanks for the brutal honesty.
Don’t worry, the gays don’t hate you. In fact, you may find yourself getting a little more gay attention in your life than you want because you just became one of SODA’s top priorities. This is one closet you can’t go back into.
By the way, if anyone wants to have a day to celebrate the rights of heterosexuals, SODA will be on board. Just let us know what to wear. I suggest a nice pair of tight wranglers.
You know, sometimes it’s easy to say you like homos, and sometimes it’s not. I don’t mean “like” like – that’s always hard. Ask a homo. They’ll tell you.
The Sexual Orientation Diversity Alliance (SODA) recently asked its fellow law students to show a little support for their gay brethren by wearing denim on April 18. “Why denim?” you may have asked yourself. The simple answer is this: to trick you. No, really. If you wore jeans, you like gays (and lesbians, bisexuals, and transgendereds).
Obviously the last sentence was a lie. Denim does not make anyone a liker of anything but denim. The real purpose behind the “Day of Silence” (jeans day) was to get people to think. That might seem an anachronism in a law school, but it really isn’t. How many times since your first day in this building have you thought about how your actions and words affect other people, and not just those that SODA tries to represent? I certainly don’t very often.
It’s a small world here at UI-Law, and nobody wants to be left out. We all make assumptions about our fellow students: Mormons, Catholics, atheists, African Americans, Asians, gays, ex-military, men, women, drinkers, druggies, sobers, parents, bachelors(and ettes), socialites, quiet people – all of them. I’ll let you in on a poorly kept secret: Few of those assumptions are true.
Asking people to wear denim might seem like a strange segue into the whole “when you assume you make an ass out of you and me” argument, but it really isn’t. The clothes someone wears can lead to just as many assumptions about a person as any other aspect of their life. Jeans represent comfort, the fashion equivalent of feeling like you belong and aren’t going to be singled out based on someone’s assumptions about you. How comfortable would you be in your favorite pair of denim if it became the new ‘gay thing’ to wear? Besides, we couldn’t have asked you to dress up in suits; many students won’t even do that for the Idaho Supreme Court.
Nearly everyone in the law school donned their Silvertabs, Tuffskins, and Gap relaxed fits, with a few notable exceptions. To those who wrote their feelings about gay rights, even those whose feelings don’t embrace the ideals of SODA: thank you. The point of having discussions about human rights, gay or otherwise, isn’t to force a viewpoint on someone; it is to ask people to think about why they feel how they do. Much like faith, an opinion is only worth something if can withstand test and attack.
Unfortunately, some of our students chose not to wear denim. I don’t mean that they forgot and wore dress pants because they always do. Some people (you know who you are – and so do we), always wear jeans; just not on a day when wearing jeans might make people think they supported the homos. However, their fears were unfounded: there is no way any of us would have thought you supported gay rights. But, thanks for the brutal honesty.
Don’t worry, the gays don’t hate you. In fact, you may find yourself getting a little more gay attention in your life than you want because you just became one of SODA’s top priorities. This is one closet you can’t go back into.
By the way, if anyone wants to have a day to celebrate the rights of heterosexuals, SODA will be on board. Just let us know what to wear. I suggest a nice pair of tight wranglers.
Dear RJ
by RJ Linnan
Confidential to DVT
Blue Grapefruit. BLUE GRAPEFRUIT! DEAR, GOD, BLUEGRAPEFRUITBLUEGRAPEFRUIT!!!
Dear RJ,
I thought that the designation of classes as 2L or 3L was merely a warning that a designated 2L course could conflict with a required or bar related 3L course, and not that a designated course would be reserved for one class or the other. Can you explain this?
Student who Can’t Really Enter What Ever Division
Dear SCREWED,
Clearly you fail to understand the fact that students in law school shouldn’t get to choose which teacher they take a given class from. Just because the previous policy was to simply be a planning factor for when classes would be offered doesn’t mean that the administration shouldn’t change the policy and give priority to 2L’s. Never mind that 3Ls might actually need the class for when they graduate. Even though every registration process in higher education across the country is generally first-come, first-serve, doesn’t mean that our school should do it that way. Just take bankruptcy instead of tax. They’re basically the same thing.
I am confused by the many different statements that I am asked to make here at law school. I thought that jeans were for rape awareness, red ribbons were for heart health awareness, pink ribbons were for breast awareness, and yellow ribbons meant that I thought Lance Armstrong was hot. A little clarity?
Dumbfounded About Denim
Dear DAD
You have it all wrong. The more important consideration is whether you comply with every request to paint, wear, or pin for whatever the cause du’jour is that day. So, basically, even if there is no rational relationship between a “message” like yellow bracelets and Lance Armstrong’s testicles, or the fact that you were going to wear jeans to school anyway, you still must comply with the request for solidarity or be labeled an asshole.
I have a problem with one of my professors. I have never raised my hand in his class, because he would just cut me off anyway. He is always preaching his crazy politics in class and insulting my point of view instead of actually teaching anything and I don’t know what to do?
Really Annoyed at Teacher
Dear RAT
You are absolutely right to not raise your hand and voice your opinions and arguments in class. Why bother when the professor won’t listen anyway? It would probably just offend the professor if you spoke too, and that puts your grade at risk since all professors can access your exam number. What you should do instead of confronting the professor is rush straight to the dean’s office and complain as loudly as possible about your voice being silenced and your opinion going unheard.
When you’re a lawyer, RAT, you won’t have to confront opposing counsel, or a judge who disagrees with you, you’ll just be able to contact the State Bar and issue a complaint because of the disagreement. Ideally a representative from the Bar will come to your rescue by arriving at your next meeting a few minutes late and manage to interrupt your nemesis so you don’t have to do any speaking at all.
Confidential to DVT
Blue Grapefruit. BLUE GRAPEFRUIT! DEAR, GOD, BLUEGRAPEFRUITBLUEGRAPEFRUIT!!!
• • •
Dear RJ,
I thought that the designation of classes as 2L or 3L was merely a warning that a designated 2L course could conflict with a required or bar related 3L course, and not that a designated course would be reserved for one class or the other. Can you explain this?
Student who Can’t Really Enter What Ever Division
Dear SCREWED,
Clearly you fail to understand the fact that students in law school shouldn’t get to choose which teacher they take a given class from. Just because the previous policy was to simply be a planning factor for when classes would be offered doesn’t mean that the administration shouldn’t change the policy and give priority to 2L’s. Never mind that 3Ls might actually need the class for when they graduate. Even though every registration process in higher education across the country is generally first-come, first-serve, doesn’t mean that our school should do it that way. Just take bankruptcy instead of tax. They’re basically the same thing.
• • •
Dear RJ,I am confused by the many different statements that I am asked to make here at law school. I thought that jeans were for rape awareness, red ribbons were for heart health awareness, pink ribbons were for breast awareness, and yellow ribbons meant that I thought Lance Armstrong was hot. A little clarity?
Dumbfounded About Denim
Dear DAD
You have it all wrong. The more important consideration is whether you comply with every request to paint, wear, or pin for whatever the cause du’jour is that day. So, basically, even if there is no rational relationship between a “message” like yellow bracelets and Lance Armstrong’s testicles, or the fact that you were going to wear jeans to school anyway, you still must comply with the request for solidarity or be labeled an asshole.
• • •
Dear RJI have a problem with one of my professors. I have never raised my hand in his class, because he would just cut me off anyway. He is always preaching his crazy politics in class and insulting my point of view instead of actually teaching anything and I don’t know what to do?
Really Annoyed at Teacher
Dear RAT
You are absolutely right to not raise your hand and voice your opinions and arguments in class. Why bother when the professor won’t listen anyway? It would probably just offend the professor if you spoke too, and that puts your grade at risk since all professors can access your exam number. What you should do instead of confronting the professor is rush straight to the dean’s office and complain as loudly as possible about your voice being silenced and your opinion going unheard.
When you’re a lawyer, RAT, you won’t have to confront opposing counsel, or a judge who disagrees with you, you’ll just be able to contact the State Bar and issue a complaint because of the disagreement. Ideally a representative from the Bar will come to your rescue by arriving at your next meeting a few minutes late and manage to interrupt your nemesis so you don’t have to do any speaking at all.
High school-like atmosphere made law school stranger
by Ray Thompson
In the last issue of Inter Alia, the “Most Likely To…” reminded me of observations I’ve been making for awhile: That law school and high school have a lot more in common with each other than undergraduate education.
Here’s why:
• School pride dress-up days.
• Powder Puff football.
• Report cards/Standing cards.
• Assigned seating.
• School dances.
• On-site lockers (carrels).
• Drama, drama, drama.
• Yearbooks / Dogbooks.
• Limited class choices.
• Everyone takes themselves way too seriously.
• Mandatory class attendance.
• Talent shows.
Surprisingly for a profession which stresses confidentiality, the spread of gossip/rumors not only equals but exceeds gossip/rumor levels in junior high/high school, or any other setting I’ve ever experienced.
The entire curriculum is confined to one building, which gives rise to striking similarities in the respective social structures. For instance, when walking through the crowded halls, you are bound to run across many more people you know than you will have time to say hello to. Depending on the ever-shifting hierarchies of social alliances, you have several options for these encounters: 1. Engage in some quick small talk. 2. Say hello. 3. Smile and nod. 4. Just nod. 5. Avoid making eye-contact at just the right moment. 6. (Most commonly employed) Pretend the other person doesn’t exist. 7. Actively scowl at the other person.
In addition, my 1L year reminded me more of grade school than anything I’d experienced since. As in grade school, the class was divided into two sections which were given completely different instructors (although my grade school classes were all in the same room and my 1L classes were confined to two rooms).
In the last issue of Inter Alia, the “Most Likely To…” reminded me of observations I’ve been making for awhile: That law school and high school have a lot more in common with each other than undergraduate education.
Here’s why:
• School pride dress-up days.
• Powder Puff football.
• Report cards/Standing cards.
• Assigned seating.
• School dances.
• On-site lockers (carrels).
• Drama, drama, drama.
• Yearbooks / Dogbooks.
• Limited class choices.
• Everyone takes themselves way too seriously.
• Mandatory class attendance.
• Talent shows.
Surprisingly for a profession which stresses confidentiality, the spread of gossip/rumors not only equals but exceeds gossip/rumor levels in junior high/high school, or any other setting I’ve ever experienced.
The entire curriculum is confined to one building, which gives rise to striking similarities in the respective social structures. For instance, when walking through the crowded halls, you are bound to run across many more people you know than you will have time to say hello to. Depending on the ever-shifting hierarchies of social alliances, you have several options for these encounters: 1. Engage in some quick small talk. 2. Say hello. 3. Smile and nod. 4. Just nod. 5. Avoid making eye-contact at just the right moment. 6. (Most commonly employed) Pretend the other person doesn’t exist. 7. Actively scowl at the other person.
In addition, my 1L year reminded me more of grade school than anything I’d experienced since. As in grade school, the class was divided into two sections which were given completely different instructors (although my grade school classes were all in the same room and my 1L classes were confined to two rooms).
Someone take my gel
by Eric Haley
To put it in law school terms, I did not foresee that it would be this difficult to give away a canister of premium “fancy” hair manipulator.
Out of the kindness of my heart I have offered an unopened jar of Bed Head (retail $16.95 for a small amount only a true ass would buy) to seven different people and each time I finished my proposal I received a look that made me wonder if I was about to get maced. I don’t understand it; it’s not like I am some stranger in a trench coat offering to baby sit your kids. I am simply trying to brighten someone’s day with the gift of overpriced hair sculpting product. I fail to see what is so damn suspicious about it. My favorite response to my failed charity has been: “Why don’t you want it anymore?” That is a good question – for a person on LSD. Relax Cochese, those fire-breathing cobras you see on my head are just hallucinations and even if they were real, they are hair-less cobras. They don’t need Bed Head.
A sober person on the other hand would look at my bald-ass head and understand why I might not have an interest in hair manipulator anymore. Furthermore, if I grew my hair back out to a length that could be manipulated, I would probably look like Ron Howard and I am no man’s sidekick-buddy, especially not “The Fonz.” I think I will stick with the “Ty Bair” (the editor of the Law School’s other journal), which is 70 percent shaved close to the scalp, 30 percent out of my control.
For those that are still not convinced that this free Bed Head won’t kill them, let me further uncloak the mystery of why I have this canister. See, I was still living in denial at Christmas and couldn’t decide what to get with my $15 JC Penny’s Gift Certificate. All of the sudden, I caught a mirror by the in-store salon and it was like my 18 bangs were feathered about my forehead pleading, “Hey boss, we can’t hold down the fort without some hair manipulator; some really, really expensive hair manipulator.”
When I returned home, I proudly displayed “the answer to my prayers” so my sisters would give me an “Atta Boy” but instead they looked at me like I had just walked into a Jaguar dealership with a clip-on tie.
One of them asked me if I planned on rubbing the canister of hair product in the hope that a Genie would appear and grant me some hair for my bald spots After all, they reasoned, applying the contents to current hair style would be kind of like putting jet fuel in a weed eater – overkill.
So, yeah, I shaved my hair off and I would like to give something back, you know, do something good for mankind. So, mankind, I present to you, hair manipulator.
Someone please catch me at my carrel and take this reminder of painful memories off of my hands. If you still think something is fishy we can do this the right way, give me a peppercorn, I will give you the Bed Head and give you this warranty: When applied to the hair on your head, this product will not kill you, unless you are allergic to one of its many chemicals, then you may be up shit creek and I won’t be supplying a paddle.
I just want closure.
To put it in law school terms, I did not foresee that it would be this difficult to give away a canister of premium “fancy” hair manipulator.
Out of the kindness of my heart I have offered an unopened jar of Bed Head (retail $16.95 for a small amount only a true ass would buy) to seven different people and each time I finished my proposal I received a look that made me wonder if I was about to get maced. I don’t understand it; it’s not like I am some stranger in a trench coat offering to baby sit your kids. I am simply trying to brighten someone’s day with the gift of overpriced hair sculpting product. I fail to see what is so damn suspicious about it. My favorite response to my failed charity has been: “Why don’t you want it anymore?” That is a good question – for a person on LSD. Relax Cochese, those fire-breathing cobras you see on my head are just hallucinations and even if they were real, they are hair-less cobras. They don’t need Bed Head.
A sober person on the other hand would look at my bald-ass head and understand why I might not have an interest in hair manipulator anymore. Furthermore, if I grew my hair back out to a length that could be manipulated, I would probably look like Ron Howard and I am no man’s sidekick-buddy, especially not “The Fonz.” I think I will stick with the “Ty Bair” (the editor of the Law School’s other journal), which is 70 percent shaved close to the scalp, 30 percent out of my control.
For those that are still not convinced that this free Bed Head won’t kill them, let me further uncloak the mystery of why I have this canister. See, I was still living in denial at Christmas and couldn’t decide what to get with my $15 JC Penny’s Gift Certificate. All of the sudden, I caught a mirror by the in-store salon and it was like my 18 bangs were feathered about my forehead pleading, “Hey boss, we can’t hold down the fort without some hair manipulator; some really, really expensive hair manipulator.”
When I returned home, I proudly displayed “the answer to my prayers” so my sisters would give me an “Atta Boy” but instead they looked at me like I had just walked into a Jaguar dealership with a clip-on tie.
One of them asked me if I planned on rubbing the canister of hair product in the hope that a Genie would appear and grant me some hair for my bald spots After all, they reasoned, applying the contents to current hair style would be kind of like putting jet fuel in a weed eater – overkill.
So, yeah, I shaved my hair off and I would like to give something back, you know, do something good for mankind. So, mankind, I present to you, hair manipulator.
Someone please catch me at my carrel and take this reminder of painful memories off of my hands. If you still think something is fishy we can do this the right way, give me a peppercorn, I will give you the Bed Head and give you this warranty: When applied to the hair on your head, this product will not kill you, unless you are allergic to one of its many chemicals, then you may be up shit creek and I won’t be supplying a paddle.
I just want closure.
Top 10 reasons you might be a redneck lawyer
by Daniel Malouf
Tired of trying to land that dream job with a prestigious downtown firm? Perhaps the fact that you chose UI Law over other schools indicates that you might well be cut out for something a little, shall we say, different? Consider if any of the following apply to your situation:
10. You are willing to accept bushel of potatoes and half a dozen chickens as retainer.
9. You are embarrassed to park rusty old truck next to fancy cars at Menard Law building.
8. Your suit jacket hangs from gun rack as you drive to interviews.
7. You wish real estate finance class dealt more with double-wides… an’ such.
6. You can hardly wait to show off that belt buckle in a courtroom someday!
5. Rather than scope out a big firm in a big city, you scope out office space near trailer park near [insert Deary, Weiser, Bonner’s Ferry, or former logging town of choice].
4. You’ve ever studied the big game proclamation during class.
3. You’ve ever considered leaving a note on a professor’s door, saying “Please don’t call on me in class today; I’m not prepared because I went steelhead fishing all weekend.”
2. You think chasing an ambulance with a tractor sounds like great fun.
1. You think that if you ever become a judge in your home county, it’ll be easy money- especially since you’ll hardly ever hear a case because you’ll constantly recues yourself on account of being related to one or both parties.
Tired of trying to land that dream job with a prestigious downtown firm? Perhaps the fact that you chose UI Law over other schools indicates that you might well be cut out for something a little, shall we say, different? Consider if any of the following apply to your situation:
10. You are willing to accept bushel of potatoes and half a dozen chickens as retainer.
9. You are embarrassed to park rusty old truck next to fancy cars at Menard Law building.
8. Your suit jacket hangs from gun rack as you drive to interviews.
7. You wish real estate finance class dealt more with double-wides… an’ such.
6. You can hardly wait to show off that belt buckle in a courtroom someday!
5. Rather than scope out a big firm in a big city, you scope out office space near trailer park near [insert Deary, Weiser, Bonner’s Ferry, or former logging town of choice].
4. You’ve ever studied the big game proclamation during class.
3. You’ve ever considered leaving a note on a professor’s door, saying “Please don’t call on me in class today; I’m not prepared because I went steelhead fishing all weekend.”
2. You think chasing an ambulance with a tractor sounds like great fun.
1. You think that if you ever become a judge in your home county, it’ll be easy money- especially since you’ll hardly ever hear a case because you’ll constantly recues yourself on account of being related to one or both parties.
The Story of the Three Little Pigs as told by a smart-aleck legal drafting grad
by Josh Studor
For the purposes of this story, the following definitions shall be used:
• “Pig:” any of several mammals of the family Suidae which have short legs, cloven hooves, bristly hair and a cartilaginous snout used for digging.
• “Sparrow” means big bad wolf.
• “House” is deemed to mean a place of residence, dwelling, home, or abode.
The Story:
At a point in time prior to the time and date of the day this article is read, three (3) pigs of diminished stature set to depart their home and seek, search out, and look for wealth. Before leaving said home, the pig’s’ mother, that was very wise, said and spoke to the swine saying, “In whatever you do, do it in the best way that you can because that’s the way to get along in the world.”
The pigs each purchased plots of land for the construction and erection of they’re respective houses, that were made from various materials. (1) The first little pig, (Pig 1) caused his/her house to be constructed out of straw since said action did not cost much and was the most easiest thing to do. (2) The second pig (Pig 2) entered into and executed a contract with Contractor to cause his house to be built from sticks of wood. (3) The third pig, (Bob Smith) built his house out of red-bricks.
Commencing on or about a night following the Construction of Each of the Houses, a sparrow named Meany McMeanpants (“Defendant”), that really, greatly, and emphatically enjoyed eating pigs, came up to the Pig 1’s straw home, that was built from straw. Defendant shouted very loudly “little pig, little pig, let me in.”
Vaklempt, the juvenile sow said, “You, the party of the first part shall be unable to affect me, the party of the second part, by any margin herein defined as a ‘hair’ as it relates to the parties’s chinny, chin or chin.”
Defendant sparrow replied, “huh? I don’t understand a word that you just said. So, I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow you’re house in.”
And the sparrow did blow in said house and consumed Pig 1.
The following night, which was after the night on which the first little pig’s house was blown in and the first little pig was eaten and digested by The Sparrow, Defendant came to the house built by Pig 2 and he discovered that the pig Resided in the house; which was built of sticks that were taken from a forest located less than one mile, from where the property Pig 2 purchased, in violation of several local ordinances; and he shouted out to the occupant(s) of said house, “little pig, little pig, let me in.”
The Pig 2 said, “you, the party of the first part shall be unable to affect me, the party of the second part, by any margin hereby defined as a ‘hair’ as it relates to the parties chinny, chin, or chin.”
Again, Meany was confused, and replied, “ OH HELL! I’ll just blow your damn house in.” While the stick house maybe stronger than the straw house it still fell quickly and immediately as Defendant huffed and puffed. Consequently, therefore, the sparrow was able to eat the little pig.
On or about approximately 8:27 PM, Eastern, Standard Time, on the night of 5th of Aug., 2006, which was the night following the two previous Nights, Meany arrived at the house built by the third(3rd) and final pig. The house had been constructed with bricks, and it received a certificate of occupancy by a certified inspector as required by Idaho Code 39-4108. It also further was compliant with all codes, requirements, and contract terms required by the homeowner’s association and it was free of all liens and encumbrances.
Defendant approached the wooden door, which had been painted red and had elaborate inlay, and knocked the brass door knocker. He said, “little pig, little pig, can I come in”?
Bob replied in a firm tone, “Are you nuts? You can not come in. I’m going to get my shotgun so I can protect myself from you. I shall also call the police who can show up here to protect me from you who may injure me or cause me to be injured through your actions, which may be violent in nature.”
Defendant was Puzzled and said nothing but attempted to blow the house in anyway. Because of the structural quality of the brick and thanks to the quality of the construction and oversight, the house did not not stay standing but instead did not blow in. Also, because the house had been caused to be fitted with high-speed- wireless-internet, a security-system, and Bob had a cell-phone, Bob calmly called the police.
Further, Defendant Meany, not knowing the police had been called, attempted and tried to enter the house threw the part of the house build specifically for the release of smoke, which is produced by a substance that produces heat and light. But, before the wolf could get “down” the chimney, the Idaho State Police showed up with a SWAT team and successfully captured and detained the sparrow. The sparrow never again got lose and was tried and convicted of hamicide, malicious destruction of property and attempted hamicide.
Once the story got out to the public, the Idahoans began protesting the reintroduction of sparrows into the “wild”. The public said the principlE(thics) reason why they was angry is that if the state had not reintroduced the sparrows, the little pigs would not have been eaten by the sparrow that did eat the pigs, which were eaten.
Hey prof., We tease ‘cause we can... or is it may?
for laurie
Definitions:For the purposes of this story, the following definitions shall be used:
• “Pig:” any of several mammals of the family Suidae which have short legs, cloven hooves, bristly hair and a cartilaginous snout used for digging.
• “Sparrow” means big bad wolf.
• “House” is deemed to mean a place of residence, dwelling, home, or abode.
The Story:
At a point in time prior to the time and date of the day this article is read, three (3) pigs of diminished stature set to depart their home and seek, search out, and look for wealth. Before leaving said home, the pig’s’ mother, that was very wise, said and spoke to the swine saying, “In whatever you do, do it in the best way that you can because that’s the way to get along in the world.”
The pigs each purchased plots of land for the construction and erection of they’re respective houses, that were made from various materials. (1) The first little pig, (Pig 1) caused his/her house to be constructed out of straw since said action did not cost much and was the most easiest thing to do. (2) The second pig (Pig 2) entered into and executed a contract with Contractor to cause his house to be built from sticks of wood. (3) The third pig, (Bob Smith) built his house out of red-bricks.
Commencing on or about a night following the Construction of Each of the Houses, a sparrow named Meany McMeanpants (“Defendant”), that really, greatly, and emphatically enjoyed eating pigs, came up to the Pig 1’s straw home, that was built from straw. Defendant shouted very loudly “little pig, little pig, let me in.”
Vaklempt, the juvenile sow said, “You, the party of the first part shall be unable to affect me, the party of the second part, by any margin herein defined as a ‘hair’ as it relates to the parties’s chinny, chin or chin.”
Defendant sparrow replied, “huh? I don’t understand a word that you just said. So, I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow you’re house in.”
And the sparrow did blow in said house and consumed Pig 1.
The following night, which was after the night on which the first little pig’s house was blown in and the first little pig was eaten and digested by The Sparrow, Defendant came to the house built by Pig 2 and he discovered that the pig Resided in the house; which was built of sticks that were taken from a forest located less than one mile, from where the property Pig 2 purchased, in violation of several local ordinances; and he shouted out to the occupant(s) of said house, “little pig, little pig, let me in.”
The Pig 2 said, “you, the party of the first part shall be unable to affect me, the party of the second part, by any margin hereby defined as a ‘hair’ as it relates to the parties chinny, chin, or chin.”
Again, Meany was confused, and replied, “ OH HELL! I’ll just blow your damn house in.” While the stick house maybe stronger than the straw house it still fell quickly and immediately as Defendant huffed and puffed. Consequently, therefore, the sparrow was able to eat the little pig.
On or about approximately 8:27 PM, Eastern, Standard Time, on the night of 5th of Aug., 2006, which was the night following the two previous Nights, Meany arrived at the house built by the third(3rd) and final pig. The house had been constructed with bricks, and it received a certificate of occupancy by a certified inspector as required by Idaho Code 39-4108. It also further was compliant with all codes, requirements, and contract terms required by the homeowner’s association and it was free of all liens and encumbrances.
Defendant approached the wooden door, which had been painted red and had elaborate inlay, and knocked the brass door knocker. He said, “little pig, little pig, can I come in”?
Bob replied in a firm tone, “Are you nuts? You can not come in. I’m going to get my shotgun so I can protect myself from you. I shall also call the police who can show up here to protect me from you who may injure me or cause me to be injured through your actions, which may be violent in nature.”
Defendant was Puzzled and said nothing but attempted to blow the house in anyway. Because of the structural quality of the brick and thanks to the quality of the construction and oversight, the house did not not stay standing but instead did not blow in. Also, because the house had been caused to be fitted with high-speed- wireless-internet, a security-system, and Bob had a cell-phone, Bob calmly called the police.
Further, Defendant Meany, not knowing the police had been called, attempted and tried to enter the house threw the part of the house build specifically for the release of smoke, which is produced by a substance that produces heat and light. But, before the wolf could get “down” the chimney, the Idaho State Police showed up with a SWAT team and successfully captured and detained the sparrow. The sparrow never again got lose and was tried and convicted of hamicide, malicious destruction of property and attempted hamicide.
Once the story got out to the public, the Idahoans began protesting the reintroduction of sparrows into the “wild”. The public said the principlE(thics) reason why they was angry is that if the state had not reintroduced the sparrows, the little pigs would not have been eaten by the sparrow that did eat the pigs, which were eaten.
Hey prof., We tease ‘cause we can... or is it may?
Thursday, April 19, 2007
More Random Barrister's Ball Pictures
Barrister’s Ball was packed until the last song! See.
Sanja Prutina (1L) (left) and Megan Bartley (1L).
Ray Thompson (3L).
The Kingpin’s Hula Hoop competition! Congrats to Susanne for winning.
Brian (2L) and Megan Williams (Left) and Mark and Erin Coppin.
Sarah McDowell (2L) (Left) and Lindsey Simon (2L).
Estee Hart (1L) (Left) and Sanja Prutina (1L).
The Kingpins… surprisingly fun!
Joanna Rebich (2L) and Eric Haley (2L).
Eric Haley (1L) and Jessica Walker (1L).
Danielle Rowand (2L) and Katherine Spenner (2L).
Everybody’s dancing!
Christine Dow (2L).
Autumn Renshaw (2L) and Katherine Spenner (2L).
Kristi Wilson (2L) and Kat (2L).
Chris Christiansen (3L).
Amy Kingston (2L) and Josh Studor(2L).
Professor John Hasko and Associate Dean Elizabeth Brandt.
Phil Sanchez (2L) and Susanne Kaye (2L).
Josh Studor (2L) and Kat Spenner (2L).
Lisa Johnstone (3L).
Tracy Wright (2L), Kat Spenner (2L), and Travis Woodland (2L).
Sunday, April 15, 2007
And the Awards Go To:
(Judged by the completely partial Josh Studor)
For Best Dressed:
3L: Ms. Lisa Johnstone. A flapper dress WITH tassels? How daring. And oh how it worked.
2L: Ms. Katherine Spenner. A black cocktail dress with just enough detail to make it pop.
1L: Ms. Jessica Walker. Not only can she dress but damn if she can’t cut a rug.
Faculty/Staff: Mr. Dennis Colson. He’s retiring in style with a throwback tux. Looking sharp!
For Worst Dressed:
3L: Mr. Brian Wonderlich. Those tux tees were so last year!
2L: Mr. Aaron Crary. Hawai’ian shirts are fine but your pine needles are clashing with your beautiful lady there.
1L: A TIE! For Mr. Michael Sinks and Neil Burns. Felt Zoot Suits? What were they thinking?
Coolest Faculty/Staff Member
A TIE! Professors John Hasko and Laurie “Joey” O’Neal. Both closed the party down at midnight. Plus Hasko probably danced with every lady in the room. Nice Job! Professor Ben Beard was a close runner up too.
And Last But Not Least: The Cutest Couple (and “couple”) Awards… How cute :-)
Here we have John Jameson (3L) and Regan Boyd (2L).
And the beautiful Kendra Dean (3L) and her date Brian (non-L).
Retiring Professor Craig Lewis and his lovely wife.
Skylar Christensen (1L) and Jessica Pollack (non-L).
Mark (2L) and Erin Coppin.
2Ls Danielle “Canada” Rowand and Ty Bair.
Brian (2L) and Megan Williams.
Trent Belnap (2L) and his dashing date.
Lisa Johnstone (3L) and Dan Scheckler (4L).
Travis Woodland (2L) and Anne Buike.
Josh Studor (2L) and Lindsey Simon (2L). Didn’t come together but didn’t leave alone… ok, yeah, Josh left alone.
Sure, this isn’t a couple but Sanja Prutina (1L) and Joanna Rebich (1L) look good huh? Who’s that guy stuck in between them?
Got better photos? Send them to uiinteralia@gmail.com.
Monday, April 9, 2007
Who is Most Likely To...
In the tradition of high schools everywhere, the Inter Alia is asking the 3Ls: Who do you think is most likely to be the first classmate…
• to successfully argue a case before the U.S. Supreme
Court?
• to run into the back of an ambulance he or she is chasing?
• to win a multi-million dollar settlement?
• to become a television judge?
• to be told by a judge that he or she needs to buy a new suit?
• to appear on Court TV defending a murdering movie star in Sun Valley?
• elected to public office?
• to take on big potato?
• to become the dean of a law school?
• to have a treatise named after him or her?
• to set a filibuster record?
• to move back in with their parents?
• to write a John Grisham style novel?
• to give up and become a law professor?
• To get a Professional Rule violation for 1.8(j)?
Vote for your choices by e-mailing uiinteralia@gmail.com or posting a comment at the end of this story by April 25!
Check the next issue for results.
• to successfully argue a case before the U.S. Supreme
Court?
• to run into the back of an ambulance he or she is chasing?
• to win a multi-million dollar settlement?
• to become a television judge?
• to be told by a judge that he or she needs to buy a new suit?
• to appear on Court TV defending a murdering movie star in Sun Valley?
• elected to public office?
• to take on big potato?
• to become the dean of a law school?
• to have a treatise named after him or her?
• to set a filibuster record?
• to move back in with their parents?
• to write a John Grisham style novel?
• to give up and become a law professor?
• To get a Professional Rule violation for 1.8(j)?
Vote for your choices by e-mailing uiinteralia@gmail.com or posting a comment at the end of this story by April 25!
Check the next issue for results.
Former Irish President visits, isn’t made to feel awkward enough
by Josh Studor The first female president of The Republic of Ireland gave the keynote address at the University of Idaho’s 59th Borah Symposium April 2 but before she did, she spoke briefly at the College of Law. The Hon. Mary Robinson joined Professional Responsibility to discuss her experiences as a lawyer, stateswoman, and world human rights leader and then stopped to answer two questions. The first question started out harmless enough. Mikela French, 2L, asked something about including human rights requirements in international economic agreements. It was the second question that left the crowd – and Pres. Robinson – scratching their collective heads. A 3L student then asked something about a new law that Great Britain supposedly passed that would keep history teachers from teaching kids about the Holocaust because it offends Muslims. Pres. Robinson stumbled for a moment – visibly shocked – but recovered to answer the question in the most diplomatic way she could. She said she hadn’t heard anything about that (probably because she doesn’t read the Drudge Report) and that she didn’t think the story was accurate. She reiterated that the British have a great solemn remembrance of the Holocaust and, because of that, she thought the 3L had his facts wrong. Needless to say, it was uncomfortable for everyone involved. However, no one was more visibly mortified than Professor Monica Schurtman, who stood up and practically pleaded the audience for a decent question. Thankfully, R.J. Linnan, 2L, took the bait and saved the day with a softball question about peace agreements. Pres. Robinson, who looked relieved, took the question, ran with it, and ended with the audience laughing because “Dr. Paisley said ‘yes.’” While many students felt inspired, the whole experience left some students thinking to themselves, “What could Mr. 3L have asked that would have been less awkward?” Well, here are some answers to that question: • Can I take you out for a “Black and Tan” after your presentation? And as a follow-up, can we get in a fight later? • Was it a good idea to allow Prince Harry to serve in the military? • Why are you always after me Lucky Charms? • Why can’t you Irish just accept British rule? • How come you aren’t wearing a kilt? • Is there anything ironic about you being in a state famous for potatoes? • Where is your pot o’ gold? • Are you and Colin Farrell friends? • Do you have family in Boston? • How did you become one of the most prosperous nations in the EU by selling goats? • What do you think of “The Black Donnellys?” I supposed the question could have been worse. Maybe we should try again. Next time we should bring King Abdullah of Saudia Arabia to the law school and someone can ask him why he can’t keep his terr-er-est friends from blowing themselves up.
News Briefs
Barrister’s Ball Saturday
The Student Bar Association’s social committee will play host to the annual Barrister’s Ball this Saturday beginning at 7 p.m. at the 1912 building. The evening begins with a roast for retiring professors Colson and Lewis. A performance by the Kingpins will follow. Food and drinks are provided.
Tickets are available all week in the main hallway. Cost: $12 drinking, $7 non-drinking.
Carrel lottery next week
A carrel lottery will be held Friday so students can select their carrels for next year. Sign up sheets are available in the basket on the library door and must be completed and submitted in the envelope outside the SBA Office by 5 p.m. on Friday. Students may sign up individually or in groups of no more than four.
Once the lottery is completed, students will need to attend the selection meeting for their class. 2Ls will meet at 4 p.m. on April 18 in room 103 and 1Ls will meet at 3:30 p.m. on April 19 in room 104. Students will pick their carrels based on their draft order.
Any questions should be sent to either Jodi Felton at felt5217@uidaho.edu or Thomas Rogers at rodg4115@uidaho.edu.
The Student Bar Association’s social committee will play host to the annual Barrister’s Ball this Saturday beginning at 7 p.m. at the 1912 building. The evening begins with a roast for retiring professors Colson and Lewis. A performance by the Kingpins will follow. Food and drinks are provided.
Tickets are available all week in the main hallway. Cost: $12 drinking, $7 non-drinking.
Carrel lottery next week
A carrel lottery will be held Friday so students can select their carrels for next year. Sign up sheets are available in the basket on the library door and must be completed and submitted in the envelope outside the SBA Office by 5 p.m. on Friday. Students may sign up individually or in groups of no more than four.
Once the lottery is completed, students will need to attend the selection meeting for their class. 2Ls will meet at 4 p.m. on April 18 in room 103 and 1Ls will meet at 3:30 p.m. on April 19 in room 104. Students will pick their carrels based on their draft order.
Any questions should be sent to either Jodi Felton at felt5217@uidaho.edu or Thomas Rogers at rodg4115@uidaho.edu.
Kudos...
by Ty Bair
... to Professor DALE “PAPPY” GOBLE, who struck gold while panning a local creek. A nationally renowned expert in biodiversity law and amateur prospector, Professor Goble exclaimed, “YEEEE HOWDY! IT’S THE MOTHER LODE!” and then performed an exuberant dance while banging together two cast-iron pans
.... to 1L student BRANDON SMITH, for consistently leveling up while playing “World of Warcraft” in Contracts.
... to 2L student TEDDY REINBOLD, who took down fourth place in the 9th Annual Palouse Invitational Wet T-Shirt Contest at the Hyde-Out Tavern in Colfax, Wash. on March.
... to 2L student JOSHUA P.
MCCARTHY, whose band, Weezer, has announced plans for a finals concert at the College of Law. Joshua looks just like Buddy Holly—oh oh—and you’re Mary Tyler Moore.
... to Professor DALE “PAPPY” GOBLE, who struck gold while panning a local creek. A nationally renowned expert in biodiversity law and amateur prospector, Professor Goble exclaimed, “YEEEE HOWDY! IT’S THE MOTHER LODE!” and then performed an exuberant dance while banging together two cast-iron pans
.... to 1L student BRANDON SMITH, for consistently leveling up while playing “World of Warcraft” in Contracts.
... to 2L student TEDDY REINBOLD, who took down fourth place in the 9th Annual Palouse Invitational Wet T-Shirt Contest at the Hyde-Out Tavern in Colfax, Wash. on March.
... to 2L student JOSHUA P.
MCCARTHY, whose band, Weezer, has announced plans for a finals concert at the College of Law. Joshua looks just like Buddy Holly—oh oh—and you’re Mary Tyler Moore.
Police Blotter
“compiled” by Michael Witry
7:21 a.m. - Little black spot observed on sun. No change since yesterday.
8:14 a.m. - Commuters found words of the prophets written on subway walls. Graffiti artists responsible remain at large.
8:46 a.m. - Miss Lottie Lenya found dead of knife wounds down by the river.
9:08 a.m. - Called to intervene in a dispute between neighbors along Hedgerow St. Issued citation to the May Queen for unlawful disposal of bustles.
9:41 a.m. - Arrested a suspect in connection with a slaying along the Mexican border. Suspect offered to plead guilty in exchange for water.
11:22 a.m. - Caller reported a suspicious line of cars, all painted black. Cars turned out to be part of a funeral procession. Complaint dismissed.
11:53 a.m. - Search party for 29 lost sailors called off due to gales of November coming early.
12:19 p.m. - Unattended yellow basket seized at airport.
1:18 p.m. - Investigated trampoline-related disturbance downtown. Advised Mr. Kite and Mr. Henderson that their performance would require a permit from City Hall.
1:38 p.m. - Frog bearing sword and unlicensed firearm stopped near residence of Miss Mousie.
2:44 p.m. - Squatter reported theft of jumbuck. Upon being stopped for questioning, suspect drowned self in billabong. Revival was unsuccessful.
3:38 p.m. - Driver of hot rod Lincoln cited for speeding and reckless driving.
4:18 p.m. - Parents of Little Susie called to report missing daughter. Investigation revealed that Susie and her date fell asleep at the movie theater.
4:46 p.m. - Owner of brand new house by railroad side, made out of rattlesnake hide, cited for violations of building code and zoning regulations.
5:31 p.m. - Advised owner of a broken-down Woody along the surf route to contact a mechanic, rather than attempt to hitchhike in his wetsuit.
7:29 p.m. - Called to disturbance along watchtower, where barefoot servants were denied entrance due to health code. Servants were escorted away.
8:48 p.m. - Investigated reports of dancers who had left their friends behind. Advised dancers to keep everything under control.
9:11 p.m. - Children complained of glass cuts on feet from broken bottles. Several bodies discovered on nearby street.
10:55 p.m. - Confused and intoxicated man found in residential area, complaining that this was not his beautiful house. Cited for public intoxication.
11:06 p.m. - Broke up fight on big dance floor involving man with hair piled high and real square cat with out-of-date wardrobe.
11:31 p.m. - Complaints of excessive noise traced to lonely goatherd, who was cited for keeping a disorderly house.
7:21 a.m. - Little black spot observed on sun. No change since yesterday.
8:14 a.m. - Commuters found words of the prophets written on subway walls. Graffiti artists responsible remain at large.
8:46 a.m. - Miss Lottie Lenya found dead of knife wounds down by the river.
9:08 a.m. - Called to intervene in a dispute between neighbors along Hedgerow St. Issued citation to the May Queen for unlawful disposal of bustles.
9:41 a.m. - Arrested a suspect in connection with a slaying along the Mexican border. Suspect offered to plead guilty in exchange for water.
11:22 a.m. - Caller reported a suspicious line of cars, all painted black. Cars turned out to be part of a funeral procession. Complaint dismissed.
11:53 a.m. - Search party for 29 lost sailors called off due to gales of November coming early.
12:19 p.m. - Unattended yellow basket seized at airport.
1:18 p.m. - Investigated trampoline-related disturbance downtown. Advised Mr. Kite and Mr. Henderson that their performance would require a permit from City Hall.
1:38 p.m. - Frog bearing sword and unlicensed firearm stopped near residence of Miss Mousie.
2:44 p.m. - Squatter reported theft of jumbuck. Upon being stopped for questioning, suspect drowned self in billabong. Revival was unsuccessful.
3:38 p.m. - Driver of hot rod Lincoln cited for speeding and reckless driving.
4:18 p.m. - Parents of Little Susie called to report missing daughter. Investigation revealed that Susie and her date fell asleep at the movie theater.
4:46 p.m. - Owner of brand new house by railroad side, made out of rattlesnake hide, cited for violations of building code and zoning regulations.
5:31 p.m. - Advised owner of a broken-down Woody along the surf route to contact a mechanic, rather than attempt to hitchhike in his wetsuit.
7:29 p.m. - Called to disturbance along watchtower, where barefoot servants were denied entrance due to health code. Servants were escorted away.
8:48 p.m. - Investigated reports of dancers who had left their friends behind. Advised dancers to keep everything under control.
9:11 p.m. - Children complained of glass cuts on feet from broken bottles. Several bodies discovered on nearby street.
10:55 p.m. - Confused and intoxicated man found in residential area, complaining that this was not his beautiful house. Cited for public intoxication.
11:06 p.m. - Broke up fight on big dance floor involving man with hair piled high and real square cat with out-of-date wardrobe.
11:31 p.m. - Complaints of excessive noise traced to lonely goatherd, who was cited for keeping a disorderly house.
Panties! Glorious Panties!
by Eric Haley
OK, OK, OK. Everyone relax. Breathe deeply, ABC News Crew. Can I get you another water or perhaps another round of bagel bites? I have obviously been caught with my “hand in the cookie jar,” you win, here are the 93 pounds of panties. TA DA!
Wow, the weather sure has warmed up here on the Palouse! Do you think it’s going to be a dry Summer? Oh... yeah, I suppose we could talk a little more about the 93 pounds of female underwear I have (or should I say “had”) in my possession.
There are a lot of things a person could say when caught with 93 pounds of underwear. When I owned just 92 pounds of female underwear, I can’t tell you how many times I practiced for this moment in front of the mirror,
“Woah! Officer, how did that get there? Is that 92 pounds of panties sitting in the middle of my TV viewing room? My God, my children play there.” You can explain 92 pounds.
But, when the cops bust in to your home it doesn’t matter how many times you have practiced your lines, 93 pounds of panties speaks for itself.
Ninety-three pounds of panties, in one location, says things like, “You know we did not get here by accident” and “Is it really going to take a sixth duffel bag full of panties to convince you that this is the panty thief? C’mon, arrest him immediately!”
Fair enough, I won’t even offer my explanation on why it is not only normal that I own 93 pounds of panties, it is a necessity. When the evil Murdoch blew a hole in the cabin of MacGyver’s airplane, the passengers thought Mac was crazy when from his pocket he produced, a condom, a can of Skoal, and a tube of Ben Gay salve. But five minutes later, when these products had patched the hole, no one dared to ask why a person would happen to be carrying these things on their person.
Hmmmm... I can see you did not buy that at all. I suppose I understand – until you have seen someone sling a heavy stone from a pair of panties or dress a sucking chest wound with them, you probably can’t fathom why I have these five duffel bags bursting at the seams with panties. Between you and me, I know of no better way to keep a Komodo dragon at bay then a smooth river rock and a panty sling. If you have never been in a situation like that, Officer, these 1,500 pairs of panties probably make me look like some pervert, huh?
What? Oh that room back there? That is the guest bedroom and you are correct, that “BAAAAAAH” was the sound of a sheep. You are telling me that you would still use store-bought wool if you had a vacant bedroom that could be used as a stable? And if you think that the sheep is connected to the 93 pounds of panties in anyway aside from the pair it is wearing now, I am going to have to ask you to please get your mind out of the gutter! So how about those Mariners, do you think they finally got some decent pitching this year?
OK, OK, OK. Everyone relax. Breathe deeply, ABC News Crew. Can I get you another water or perhaps another round of bagel bites? I have obviously been caught with my “hand in the cookie jar,” you win, here are the 93 pounds of panties. TA DA!
Wow, the weather sure has warmed up here on the Palouse! Do you think it’s going to be a dry Summer? Oh... yeah, I suppose we could talk a little more about the 93 pounds of female underwear I have (or should I say “had”) in my possession.
There are a lot of things a person could say when caught with 93 pounds of underwear. When I owned just 92 pounds of female underwear, I can’t tell you how many times I practiced for this moment in front of the mirror,
“Woah! Officer, how did that get there? Is that 92 pounds of panties sitting in the middle of my TV viewing room? My God, my children play there.” You can explain 92 pounds.
But, when the cops bust in to your home it doesn’t matter how many times you have practiced your lines, 93 pounds of panties speaks for itself.
Ninety-three pounds of panties, in one location, says things like, “You know we did not get here by accident” and “Is it really going to take a sixth duffel bag full of panties to convince you that this is the panty thief? C’mon, arrest him immediately!”
Fair enough, I won’t even offer my explanation on why it is not only normal that I own 93 pounds of panties, it is a necessity. When the evil Murdoch blew a hole in the cabin of MacGyver’s airplane, the passengers thought Mac was crazy when from his pocket he produced, a condom, a can of Skoal, and a tube of Ben Gay salve. But five minutes later, when these products had patched the hole, no one dared to ask why a person would happen to be carrying these things on their person.
Hmmmm... I can see you did not buy that at all. I suppose I understand – until you have seen someone sling a heavy stone from a pair of panties or dress a sucking chest wound with them, you probably can’t fathom why I have these five duffel bags bursting at the seams with panties. Between you and me, I know of no better way to keep a Komodo dragon at bay then a smooth river rock and a panty sling. If you have never been in a situation like that, Officer, these 1,500 pairs of panties probably make me look like some pervert, huh?
What? Oh that room back there? That is the guest bedroom and you are correct, that “BAAAAAAH” was the sound of a sheep. You are telling me that you would still use store-bought wool if you had a vacant bedroom that could be used as a stable? And if you think that the sheep is connected to the 93 pounds of panties in anyway aside from the pair it is wearing now, I am going to have to ask you to please get your mind out of the gutter! So how about those Mariners, do you think they finally got some decent pitching this year?
Confessions of a global warming denier
by Brandon Law
Yesterday when I heard on the local country radio station that Tim McGraw and Faith Hill were slated to participate in Al Gore’s Live Earth concert series this summer to enhance awareness about the theory of global warming, I began to realize just how mainstream the belief in the theory has become. Not only has it become mainstream given the fact that it is supported by all the front-runners of both parties for the next Presidential election cycle, but the hype has reached absurd levels as evidenced by one news Web site that ran a headline entitled, “Global warming concerns are keeping children awake at night.” Now, I’m just as environmentally friendly as the next guy, but I have my doubts about the theory of global warming. I ride my bike or walk to class every day, eat a relatively vegan organic diet, recycle my consumer waste, etc., but still find the self-proclaimed inventor-of-the-internet’s latest product more politically expedient than scientifically sound. Not only is the theory still relatively new on the scientific landscape, but I still find it contradictory to conventional—dare I say—scientific wisdom of just 30 years ago as I recently discovered by a trip to our campus library. I was prompted to further investigation by Dennis Miller’s display of a story during a recent appearance on Jay Leno’s “Tonight Show,” from the April 28, 1975 issue of Newsweek magazine entitled, “Cooling World.” I was curious to see whether the story that predicted an impending ice age was just an anomaly or a widely supported theory among the contemporary scientific community. In the 1970s the prevailing view amongst the scientific community was that a global ice age was imminent. The National Academy of Sciences in 1975 issued a report stating that there was, “a finite possibility that a serious worldwide cooling could befall the earth within the next 100 years.” I found three books in our campus library, that I believe represent a fair cross-section of the scientific thought regarding climate change in the 1970s: The Cooling (1976), Ice or Fire (1978), and Forecasts, Famines, and Freezes (1976). The authors made many statements in these books predicting an impending ice age evidenced mainly by a sustained trend of declining temperatures and a growth or extension of the polar ice caps. Two ideas bandied about in the books to remedy the growth of the ice caps and impending worldwide death and destruction by ice were to spread black carbon on the ice in order to attract the sun’s rays to heat and melt it, and to dam the Bering Strait in order to prevent the mixing of warm and cool ocean water. Contrary to news commentators eager to spin the “heat waves” of last summer as new evidence proving the theory of global warming, the contemporary scientific community is not united on views regarding the theory of global warming. Nigel Calder, in an article in the UK edition of The Sunday Times Online, scoffed at the recent findings of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) and pointed out that the Earth’s temperature hasn’t changed since 1999 and asserted that solar activity, rather than greenhouse gases has been responsible for fluctuations in global temperatures in the past and is most likely responsible for the current mild temperature changes. He alluded to the findings of Ohio State University’s Dr. David Bromwich by also pointing out that, “[w]hile sea-ice has diminished in the Arctic since 1978, it has grown by 8 percent in the Southern Ocean.” In a recent article published in the San Francisco Chronicle, Patrick J. Michaels poked fun at Al Gore’s “Greenland suddenly melts” doomsday scenario and emphasized that Al Gore’s projection of sea level rising by 12 feet is at odds with the IPCC’s estimates of a rise of about 17 inches. After Hurricane Katrina, which was supposedly caused by global warming, I recall “experts” on the news predicting that the next hurricane season would make Hurricane Katrina pale in comparison, due to severity. However, the next hurricane season (last year) was more of a whimper than a bang. Though Boston Globe columnist Ellen Goodman recently equated deniers of the theory of global warming with Holocaust deniers, I’ll take my chances. Hi, my name is Brandon Law, and I’m a global warming denier.
UI contracts professor earns fame in EBAY community
by Mellisa Wood
Eager 1L Ben Smith, moved forward with his plans to cash in on his personal collection of snapshots of Professor Colson’s chalkboard drawings by offering them to the highest bidder on EBAY. The three-day auction for the collection of drawings was a hit with more than 120,000 art investors bidding for the chance to own the collection of abstract interpretation of contract law.
Bids poured in until the last second and, when the war was over, the price tag was set at $4780.93 plus $2.99 shipping and handling — unheard of in the new prince of the art world, — “Chalk Art.”
MacDonald, an attorney for prepaid legal services of New Jersey, is the new, proud owner of ”Colson: Contracts in Chalk.” MacDonald refers to his new purchase as functional art. In an exclusive interview, he strained to hide his emotions when explaining the piece was, “so much like a Picasso, yet brings such amazing clarity to the whole hoorah of contract conditions and modifications.”
MacDonald plans to hang the photos above the bar in his office as a decorative “assent.” On the price of the piece, MacDonald gushed, “How do you put a price on inspiration? When I look at this collection, sometimes I see a manatee barking at a pelican, other times I see the rules on the appropriateness of introducing extrinsic evidence. Art as a business tool — can you say tax deduction?”
The seller plans to purchase numerous contract hornbooks with the money earned. Rumor has it that the seller cannot take credit for his ingenious idea of selling contract outlines. Kyle Schou, claims to have paved the way last semester. Unfortunately, his auction was not nearly as snazzy and the photo was from his cell phone. He admittedly made enough to purchase a nice bottle of scotch to drink after the torts final. A fair trade indeed.
Eager 1L Ben Smith, moved forward with his plans to cash in on his personal collection of snapshots of Professor Colson’s chalkboard drawings by offering them to the highest bidder on EBAY. The three-day auction for the collection of drawings was a hit with more than 120,000 art investors bidding for the chance to own the collection of abstract interpretation of contract law.
Bids poured in until the last second and, when the war was over, the price tag was set at $4780.93 plus $2.99 shipping and handling — unheard of in the new prince of the art world, — “Chalk Art.”
MacDonald, an attorney for prepaid legal services of New Jersey, is the new, proud owner of ”Colson: Contracts in Chalk.” MacDonald refers to his new purchase as functional art. In an exclusive interview, he strained to hide his emotions when explaining the piece was, “so much like a Picasso, yet brings such amazing clarity to the whole hoorah of contract conditions and modifications.”
MacDonald plans to hang the photos above the bar in his office as a decorative “assent.” On the price of the piece, MacDonald gushed, “How do you put a price on inspiration? When I look at this collection, sometimes I see a manatee barking at a pelican, other times I see the rules on the appropriateness of introducing extrinsic evidence. Art as a business tool — can you say tax deduction?”
The seller plans to purchase numerous contract hornbooks with the money earned. Rumor has it that the seller cannot take credit for his ingenious idea of selling contract outlines. Kyle Schou, claims to have paved the way last semester. Unfortunately, his auction was not nearly as snazzy and the photo was from his cell phone. He admittedly made enough to purchase a nice bottle of scotch to drink after the torts final. A fair trade indeed.
Socratic Method nothing like law school
by Ray Thompson
One of the hallowed hallmarks of law school is the Socratic Method. For those of you who read Plato’s Socratic Dialogues before beginning our legal education, you may have been surprised, as I was, to learn that Plato’s vision of Socratic teaching bear almost no resemblance to the method employed by law professors.
If you haven’t ever read the Socratic Dialogues, they tend to consist of Socrates asking a pupil a series of yes/no questions. No matter how the pupil answers, Socrates applies the content of that answer to the next question, leading the pupil down a supposedly irrefutable chain of logic, concluding with whatever position Plato happens to believe is true.
One of the flaws of the Dialogues is that the pupil almost invariably agrees with everything Socrates says. It usually goes a little something like this:
SOCRATES: So you believe that ethical standards are relative – determined by the edicts of whomever wields the most power. But let me ask you this… Is it not true that the Gods demand obedience to their commands?
PUPIL: I cannot deny it.
SOCRATES: And is it not true that slaves are morally bound to obey the will of their masters?
PUPIL: You speak truly.
SOCRATES: And is it not self-evident that to preserve society we must respect the natural order of the world?
PUPIL: I must admit that your point is unquestionable.
SOCRATES: So therefore, the will of the stronger is in conflict with the fibre of reality.
PUPIL: Yes, you are correct.
SOCRATES: And it is thus inevitable that one must abandon a relativistic view of ethics, due to its logical contradictions.
PUPIL: I humbly submit to your superior reasoning. The truth of your words speak for themselves.
In law school, the so-called Socratic Method consists of a series of questions designed to humiliate and expose any student who has not completed the assigned reading, and to instill the combative principles of our adversarial legal system.
In this, the Method more closely resembles popular culture’s “The McLaughlin Group” than anything to do with Socrates. Here’s an example of the Method in law school:
PROF: Item One!! Mr. Benson, what is the most important aspect of today’s case?
BENSON: Well I’m not sure, maybe it’s…
PROF: Did you even bother to read the case, Mr. Benson?
BENSON: I think the most important aspect of the case might be…
PROF: Wrong!! Ms. Jenkins, do you know the answer?
JENKINS: Actions in perpetuity are not subject to prima ipso loquitor replevin judgments when…
PROF: Wrong!!
JENKINS: Well, what is the correct answer?
PROF: Who do you think you are? Do you really belong in law school? You don’t deserve to hear my knowledge! That right must be earned! Maybe you should spend more time studying or just drop out. Issue!! Why didn’t the plaintiff bring a suit under Judge Posner’s theory of reducing all aspects of life to units of monetary calculus? Mathews!!
MATHEWS: Well I think…
PROF: Wrong!! You people make me sick! Class is dismissed until you learn to get serious.
Based on my observations, I submit that the term “Socratic Method” no longer be used to describe this style of education. Instead it should be the “McLaughlic Method.”
One of the hallowed hallmarks of law school is the Socratic Method. For those of you who read Plato’s Socratic Dialogues before beginning our legal education, you may have been surprised, as I was, to learn that Plato’s vision of Socratic teaching bear almost no resemblance to the method employed by law professors.
If you haven’t ever read the Socratic Dialogues, they tend to consist of Socrates asking a pupil a series of yes/no questions. No matter how the pupil answers, Socrates applies the content of that answer to the next question, leading the pupil down a supposedly irrefutable chain of logic, concluding with whatever position Plato happens to believe is true.
One of the flaws of the Dialogues is that the pupil almost invariably agrees with everything Socrates says. It usually goes a little something like this:
SOCRATES: So you believe that ethical standards are relative – determined by the edicts of whomever wields the most power. But let me ask you this… Is it not true that the Gods demand obedience to their commands?
PUPIL: I cannot deny it.
SOCRATES: And is it not true that slaves are morally bound to obey the will of their masters?
PUPIL: You speak truly.
SOCRATES: And is it not self-evident that to preserve society we must respect the natural order of the world?
PUPIL: I must admit that your point is unquestionable.
SOCRATES: So therefore, the will of the stronger is in conflict with the fibre of reality.
PUPIL: Yes, you are correct.
SOCRATES: And it is thus inevitable that one must abandon a relativistic view of ethics, due to its logical contradictions.
PUPIL: I humbly submit to your superior reasoning. The truth of your words speak for themselves.
In law school, the so-called Socratic Method consists of a series of questions designed to humiliate and expose any student who has not completed the assigned reading, and to instill the combative principles of our adversarial legal system.
In this, the Method more closely resembles popular culture’s “The McLaughlin Group” than anything to do with Socrates. Here’s an example of the Method in law school:
PROF: Item One!! Mr. Benson, what is the most important aspect of today’s case?
BENSON: Well I’m not sure, maybe it’s…
PROF: Did you even bother to read the case, Mr. Benson?
BENSON: I think the most important aspect of the case might be…
PROF: Wrong!! Ms. Jenkins, do you know the answer?
JENKINS: Actions in perpetuity are not subject to prima ipso loquitor replevin judgments when…
PROF: Wrong!!
JENKINS: Well, what is the correct answer?
PROF: Who do you think you are? Do you really belong in law school? You don’t deserve to hear my knowledge! That right must be earned! Maybe you should spend more time studying or just drop out. Issue!! Why didn’t the plaintiff bring a suit under Judge Posner’s theory of reducing all aspects of life to units of monetary calculus? Mathews!!
MATHEWS: Well I think…
PROF: Wrong!! You people make me sick! Class is dismissed until you learn to get serious.
Based on my observations, I submit that the term “Socratic Method” no longer be used to describe this style of education. Instead it should be the “McLaughlic Method.”
Not washing your hands, a lot like ‘Platoon’
by Neil Burns Let me begin by conceding that I am a bit of a germ-a-phobe. Anyone who has ever spent more than a few minutes with me has undoubtedly heard me utter the words “gross,” and “ew,” numerous times, and usually in the same sentence. Unlike many unfortunate individuals who suffer from an ADA recognized disability, I know exactly where mine originated. In the early ‘90s there was a Saturday Night Live skit where they invented glasses that allowed people to see small amounts of fecal matter in a way much like night vision goggles enable people to see at night. I vividly remember my fear as Phil Hartman walked around a McDonald’s with his fecal matter glasses, seeing everyone and everything covered in fluorescent green goo. As the skit ended, I turned off the TV and laid back. As I slowly went out of consciousness my sister leaned in close and heard me softly whisper: “the horror, the horror.” When I awoke I had a new fear joining my list: spiders, clowns, dolls looking at me, and touching the bottom of a lake (any lake will do, they’re all creepy). Having relived my fears with a tragic courageousness in admitting all this, I don’t think I’m being too much of a David Putty in requesting that the male members of the law school wash their hands after using the bathroom. Although it may be a bit chauvinistic, I’m purposely excluding the female faction of our school from being included in this article, as I have never been in a girl’s bathroom, don’t know what all goes on in there (although it must be pretty damn cool as no guy has ever seen a girl enter by herself), and am leaving them out most importantly due to my sacrosanct and simple belief my mother and older sister taught me years ago, “girls don’t go number 2,” and even if they did, I have to believe they’d definitely wash their hands. I’m not sure how many times I’ve been in the bathroom here in school and witnessed what is to me anyway, an extremely traumatic experience. Standing at one of the urinals watching out of the corner of my eye in perfect terror as everything moves in extreme slow motion, and one of the stall doors open. Someone slowly walks out - straight passed the sink and out the door. The theme music from Platoon begins to play at top volume in the bathroom, as I lift my head, close my eyes, and raise my hands in the air to a God who has forsaken me. Just like Sgt. Elias Grodin after his Comrade Barns (Tom Beringer) shot him, left him for dead, and then is shot in the back as the helicopter leaves poor Willem Dafoe to die an unjust death in an unjust war. So there I stand hopeless and helpless as I shed a tear knowing I’m going to have to open the same door that that inconsiderate disgusting bastard just walked out of. Not to mention the never leaving fear all day long whenever I touch something different, and am forced to wonder: what if that dude touched this ____ (insert here any object: chair, door, book, lolly pop etc.) I know some of you are saying it’s too farfetched to believe that a law student in this day in age would be so cruel, inhumane and tragically negligent as to use the bathroom for number 1 or number 2, and not wash their hands. My answer to that is: No, it’s not. It’s a horrible offense not unlike the Mai Lai massacre that occurs in the bathrooms here and throughout the world every day. So in light of this sad and tragic tale I humbly ask the men of the University of Idaho College of Law: Please wash your hands when you use the bathroom.
Monday, April 2, 2007
Force of Compassion
On April 4, Inter Alia published a special edition focusing on the stories of how 14 University of Idaho law students spent their Spring Break helping the victims of Hurricane Katrina. The following are those stories.
Perspective – A First Hand Account of One Family’s Struggle
by Michelle Gustavson & Amanda Ulrich
There are very few times in life when you stop and realize that an experience will change you forever, but one day in New Orleans over Spring Break qualified as one of those exceptions.
We finally arrived in New Orleans, Louisiana, at midnight on Sunday, after an exhausting 12 hours of traveling. With all good intentions, we planned on calling it a night, but the city’s vibrant culture gave us our second wind. Through the lights, music, and charm of the French Quarter, we were able to experience the finer side of New Orleans, in all of its glory. Yet, less than ten hours later, we found ourselves standing in a pile of rubble and debris—all that remained of a family’s home.
While attending a block party coordinated by ACORN, we met a family whose two homes were decimated by Hurricane Katrina; almost a year and one-half later, their lives are still not back to normal. During Hurricane Katrina, the mother and her adult daughter sought shelter at Lakeland Hospital, where the daughter was employed. The father, however, being unable to part with his home, refused to evacuate, despite the fact that he was bound to a wheelchair. He remained behind with his son during the hurricane and, consequently, the two were forced to live in their attic to escape the peril of the rising water. Ultimately, it was their neighbor who arrived by boat to save them.
The family was separated for weeks, not knowing of each others’ fates, with the mother and daughter being temporarily housed in Houston, and the father and son in South Carolina. After weeks of searching, the family found each other through a posting on the Internet. A week later, they were reunited; however, their joy was short lived. Upon returning to New Orleans, they discovered that the daughter’s home was completely destroyed, and all that remained of the parents’ home was a shell of what had previously been, due to both damage from the hurricane, flooding from the levees, and looting.
We were surprised to find that despite all that they have been through, the entire family remains optimistic. After waiting moths after Hurricane Katrina, the family is back on the property, residing in two FEMA trailers (which are barely adequate for their living needs). The family has been gutting the mother and father’s home, which remains standing on the property. However, since the daughter’s house was not salvageable, it was bulldozed by the City of New Orleans. Although the City promised to remove the remnants of the house from the property, they never followed through. As a result, the family was once again forgotten by the City of New Orleans.
We helped the family remove the pile from the property. Buried beneath the mud and sea shells washed in by the storm surge, we found reminders of the life lived in that home before the hurricane—umbrellas, bed posts, couch cushions, bowls, door knobs, and broken windows, etc. were all that remained. However, we were able to salvage some irreplaceable family keepsakes uncovered in the process, including a family photo and a special gift given to the father in 2002 by a now deceased friend.
The family was very appreciative of our efforts, and took a picture of the group to memorialize the day. After all receiving hugs from the mother, we parted ways. We only spent a few hours with the family, but their story has touched our lives forever. Despite the fact that they lost so much, they are just grateful for the fact that they still have each other. Today, we all experienced a much-needed dose of reality of what is truly important in life—it is not how much money you make, nor the status you attain, it is the people who you surround yourself with and the relationships you form. As the family has show us, even after losing everything, these relationships can sustain you through the hard times.
While law school is described as one of the most rigorous and challenging experiences one can undertake, it is nothing compared to what the victims of Hurricane Katrina have endured. It’s a reminder to all of us to not lose sight of what matters most—the friends and family that are all too often neglected by law students.
The Difference between Justice and Law
by Kinzo Mihara
There is a difference between justice and the law. What that difference is, I do not yet know; but I know that there is a divide between the two. The people that I interviewed live in the Seventh Ward. Most of the people are elderly: retirees or soon-to-be. These people expressed many different emotions during our visits. Many were brought to tears. It is hard not to join them. I have been here for a week, but to express what I have seen during that time would take too long; I only write about my experiences today.
The first stop today was the Sisters of the Holy Family. The sisters run parochial schools for disadvantaged students. They also feed the poor and take care of the sick and needy. The youngest Sister is 47 years old, many are in their 70s and 80s, and a few are nearing 100.
Many of the sisters left New Orleans prior to Katrina. A few, however, stayed behind to care for the elderly sisters and parishioners that did not have the family or the means to leave. They said that it was their holy duty to do so. It is the stories of the latter that humble me. Initially, the storm was uneventful. During a lull in the storm, one sister went down to the first floor of a six story building to check on the damage.
She told us that it was then she saw a wall of water rushing towards the building. She remembered that there were two very elderly parishioners still on the first floor. She rushed to them and ushered them to the stairs. By the time they had reached the stairs, the water was nearly four feet deep. They barely managed to make it up the stairs. The water remained on the first floor and did not rise any further — just enough to trap them in the building.
That night, the Sisters and their wards ate food that was left in the sister’s rooms on the second floor. There was no electricity. There was no running water. There was, however, one telephone line that was up and running. The sister called this a miracle given to those who pray. Their phone was set on redial to 911, taking four days before it was finally answered. They rationed out the water they had and were eventually rescued. During the resulting turmoil and constant movement between temporary residences, not all of the sisters survived. Fifteen of 125 sisters died as a result of Katrina. Their lives were lived and given to the Grace of God.
The sisters are rebuilding. They are rebuilding the schools used to educate the children of the Ninth Ward. They are rebuilding the home that they have known for over 50 years. Luckily, the Sisters had insurance. The payout amount was nowhere near the cost needed to repair the damage. Now, the nunnery is “livable” due to the outpouring of support from other Catholic entities. One of the parochial schools is back up and running, the Academy for Girls remains unfinished, and the free school for the poor remains unfinished. Many of the sisters are elderly women. But they have returned to serve the community.
The second stop today was to a man, Lionel, and his wife. Lionel is a retired high school teacher and coach. His wife is a retired parole officer. Lionel told us that his wife is better equipped to speak to folks, so she did all of the talking. She told us that they were lucky enough to have evacuated prior to the storm.
They live in a FEMA mobile trailer in front of their home. The trailer is small, approximately 250 square feet. It was crowded and cramped. But they are both very thankful for it. They told us that it was better than being homeless. They were homeless prior to receiving it. She said in her 70 plus years, she had never been homeless before, and it was a very scary experience for her. She started to cry. Her story was humbling.
She said that her family had lived in the home since the 1950’s. She owns her home and rents out the one next door. They currently live on their pensions. She is angry at the insurance company for giving them so little money. They paid their premiums on time and in full — something hard to do as pensioners living on limited incomes. When it came time to help, the insurance company cut them a check for a paltry amount.
Lionel and his wife are products of the Great Depression. She tells us that they know what it means to do without. She tells us that they are rebuilding a little at a time. 25 dollars here, 25 dollars there. Slowly but steadily, they will stick it out.
She tells us that there is so much money out there, but Lionel and she have seen little in aid. They have received approximately $4,000 of FEMA aid, a long time ago. She told me that this could not compensate her for her loss. All of the pictures of her grandchildren are gone. Their furniture is gone. All of her jewelry she was not wearing at the time of the storm is gone. FEMA wants to be reimbursed for the money they were given.
The last stop was to a 92-year-old woman. She has outlived two husbands, and has lived in the same house since the 1950s. She lives on a pension that she receives from teaching in the city.
She is lucky to have health insurance. She was also lucky enough to have left prior to the storm. She has stayed with several grand-nephews and -nieces across the country. She received little money from FEMA. She paid for her temporary housing out of her own pocket, even though FEMA had promised to pay for these expenses — and has paid others.
The local government did not allow her to return for approximately six to seven weeks. She said she feels that she could have salvaged more if she had been allowed to return earlier. A single tear came to her cheek as she reminisced over the life’s worth of belongings that were lost. She then brightened up and told us that it is all part of God’s plan for her, and that the Lady watches over her. She told us that she has lived a good life.
Her home is almost finished. She said that she is about two months away. She is rebuilding to leave something to her niece, who lives next door. She is also having problems with her insurance company. Her home was worth more than $450,000. But she only received an insurance check for $17,000. The rest of her remodeling has been done through loans she has taken out to complete the work. The money that has been promised by the federal government has not come, and she does not expect that it will. A man from the government came and appraised her home for $67,000.
She then gave us a tour of her house. It was nice. I am not an appraiser, but I would have eagerly given her more than $150,000 — the amount that she needs to pay off the loans that she has taken out to finish the renovation of her home.
Word on the street is that the money was given to the State of
In the Great State of Louisiana there is a wide divide between justice and the law. The homes in the historically white part of the city stand with their grandeur and opulence as they were during Jim Crow. Visitors and tourists pack the restaurants and bars, flush with rebuilding and tourism cash.
The “colored” sections of the city remain broken. The busses don’t run. The schools are not open. Jobs are hard to find. Folks are returning, but the aid promised to them by the federal and state governments seems to be more of a myth than a reality. Even so, the people I saw were working to rebuild anyway. I may not know what the difference is between the law and justice, but I know that here the gap is wide.
That Little Dash
by Pete Hamill
It was just after 6:30 p.m. when the blue Chrysler sedan we had rented turned onto eastbound I-10, headed back toward downtown New Orleans and out of one of the worst neighborhoods in New Orleans, the Lower Ninth Ward. As I sat in the passenger’s seat looking out the window towards the city skyline and silently reflecting on the things I had just seen, I knew that this was a story I would tell my grandchildren one day.
I have no friends or family in New Orleans. I have never been here before, mostly because I never had a reason to come. When a group of my fellow Idaho Law students decided to join the Student Hurricane Network and come here for spring break to help provide relief from the devastating effects of Hurricane Katrina on this beautiful city, I found that reason.
We came here to help. Having heard the stories of neighborhoods still in such a state of disrepair that they are nearly uninhabitable, we wanted to do more than just talk. We wanted to help clean up. We went to a block party in the Ninth Ward that had been organized to get residents of the neighborhood to interact with and help one another. That’s where we met Mary.
Mary and her husband, Lionel, are an elderly couple that used to live at 2298 Rayboune Street in the Lower Ninth Ward. Now they live in a FEMA trailer No. 49229621, which is parked next to the shell of what used to be their home. The inside of the house has been completely gutted and only the concrete foundation and wooden frame remain.
Mary showed us the entrance to the attic and told us that when the levies broke and the water came rushing in, her husband and her son climbed up into it to escape the advancing flood and wait for help. They waited for three days before it arrived — a story that became even more unbelievable a few hours later when we get our first glimpse of Lionel as he emerged from his FEMA trailer in a wheelchair that he has been confined to since before the storm.
The high water mark is plainly visible on the outside of the house. It is a dark brown line, four inches wide and at least five feet high. It runs through the middle of Mary and Lionel’s front door. They did not have flood insurance. Consequently, they are insured only for the damage that occurred above the water mark. Their yard is nearly entirely covered with what looks at first glance to be tiny white pieces of gravel. A closer look reveals that they are not rocks at all, but seashells washed in by the water in Katrina’s aftermath.
Our job here was to move a giant trash heap out of the yard and to the street where it can be hauled away by garbage crews the next day. The pile stood eight feet high and is a mixture of scrap metal, concrete, garbage and dirt. It was completely overgrown with weeds. As we started to dig into the pile, pieces of Mary and Lionel’s life as it was before the storm started to emerge. Ashley found a picture that had been buried for at least a year. It was heavily damaged by water, but you could still make out a young man and woman, their arms around one another. When Michelle walked over to give the picture to Lionel, he told her that it was of his son and his son’s girlfriend.
Later we found a souvenir from the Mardi Gras parade — a coconut painted red with “ZULU 2002” written on it. I took it over to Lionel, who had rolled his chair to the front of the driveway and was surveying
We worked for nearly three hours to move as much of the trash pile as we could. There was more work to be done in a different part of the neighborhood, and so just before 5 pm it was time to say our goodbyes. Mary informed the group that we would not be going anywhere until she got a hug from each of us. I walked over to Lionel, shook his hand, and told him to take care of himself. The look on his face as the group said farewell and started to get into the cars made it clear to me that this day was about so much more than helping fix a house and clean up a yard. The people of the Ninth Ward have been neglected. They have been forgotten about by nearly everyone. For this family to finally feel like someone cares about what happens to them means more than any amount of yard work ever could.
After about another hour and a half spent knocking the tile out of a bathroom in a different house a few blocks away it was time for the group to return to our hotel in downtown New Orleans, the reconstructed part of the city where the rest of the tourists are enjoying the spectacle known as Bourbon Street.
It had started to get dark and the Ninth Ward is not somewhere one would want to be at night. I sat on a curb next to my friend Erick while we looked up and down the street, surveying the incomprehensible damage to the homes. As we sat in silence, Erick reached into his pocket and took out his MP3 player. We listened to a Garth Brooks song called “Pushing up Daisies.” The chorus goes like this:
"There's two dates in time
That they'll carve on your stone
And everyone knows what they mean
What's more important
Is the time that is known
In that little dash there in between
That little dash there in between..."
Katrina Victims are Not the Only Ones Losing
by Autumn Renshaw
Few Americans will forget the tragedy and catastrophe that struck New Orleans, Louisiana, a year and half ago. Many of us remember seeing the Katrina victims swimming through the streets, being rescued from their roofs, and their possessions, houses, and lives being washed away. Yes, these images, pictures, and people, we will not forget. However, hidden within this ongoing fight and struggle to rebuild one of
After Katrina, the city lying in ruins, many began the long road of rebuilding and recovery. However, since more than a million residents had been displaced with little money nor a home to return to, additional workers would need to be recruited if the rebuilding effort was going to be successful. Many companies looked outside
However, the promise of a better life was never delivered; many came over and found there was only about a month’s amount of work, which many still have not been paid for. What has resulted is what some call “modern day slavery.”
Today,
Each year 120,000 foreign workers receive visas to do farm work or other low-skilled labor, usually for three to nine months. These programs grew out of the World War II bracero program, in which hundreds of thousands of Mexicans worked on farms and railroads, often in deplorable conditions. Labor experts say employers abuse guest workers far more than other workers because employers know they can ship them home the moment they complain. They also know these workers cannot seek other jobs if they are unhappy.
Many of these workers also cannot return home, because they have nothing to return to, and no money to support themselves if and when they do return. By some estimates, close to 100,000 new migrant workers — Latino, African-American, Asian, Native-American, and Anglo workers either recruited to the reconstruction zones or searching on their own for better economic opportunities — have arrived in the Gulf Coast region after Hurricanes Katrina and Rita. Tens of thousands have come to rebuild
Across the city, workers are living in abandoned cars, working in toxic conditions, chasing after a web of subcontractors for their wages, and running from police and immigration authorities who have intensified their enforcement efforts, while labor law enforcement is lax.
Therefore, I am working with an organization called the New Orleans Worker’s Center for Racial Justice in which intense legal research on the issues of immigration, tax, and employment law has taken the vast majority of my time. The short-term goals for the center include organizing day laborers and other contingent migrant workers new to
The intermediate and long-term goals include building infrastructure; defending and expanding workers’ rights, both locally and statewide; developing worker leadership; and spearheading multi-racial and racial justice organizing in the reconstruction and hospitality/service industries, with worker-leadership and community support that will foster worker empowerment in New Orleans.
The infrastructure supporting worker justice was lacking in
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
