It's All Fun and Games...

by Amy Stack and Lindsey Simon

In light of the recent grumbling heard around the law school regarding final exams last semester, we humble authors started to wonder if perhaps there was a better way to test students. Taking a cue from the network executives during the writer’s strike, we propose a new law school exam system based entirely on game shows, reality shows, and classic board games.
Torts—American Gladiators
• Re-born in the new millennium like one of its hosts, Hulk Hogan, this exam wants you to “say your prayers and take your vitamins.” Gauntlet, Powerball, and The Eliminator are no match for students on American “Tortfeasor” Gladiators. Exam takers compete by dodging exploding lamps, ducking under trains, side-stepping escaped barrels, and avoiding the swinging madness of the Golfing-Gizmo. This exam will be re-given the following semester and will require steroid screening.
Constitutional Law—Survivor: Guantanamo
• Two words: Survivor: Guantanamo. During this exam, student grades will be based on two factors: (1) how long they can withstand water-boarding, and then (2) correctly answering the yes/no questions, “Was that torture?” So far no one has gotten this one right.
Professional Responsibility—Double Dare
• Marc Summers, reading from the Model Rules of Professional Double Dare will begin your exam with an explanation of the Game: “I’m going to ask you thirty questions, and if you don’t know the answer, or think the other students haven’t got a clue, you can dare them to answer for double the grade points. But be carefully because they can always Double Dare you back for four times the points, and then you’ll either have to answer the questions or take the physical challenge.” Physical challenges may include: “Pie in the Pants,” “Rain on Your Parade,” “Human Taco,” or “Hard-Partying 2L” and “Non-Traditional Student.”

Business Associations—Deal or No Deal
• In this version, student contestants open briefcases to reveal grade points. As the points accumulate, a call comes down from “The Banker” (i.e., Professor Anderson) with an offer for a certain grade. Students are encouraged to remember that a deal’s a deal (and it’s your own dumb fault). And make sure that you don’t confuse your game shows and yell, “Whammys” mid-lecture, or you’ll catch a suspender clip to the mouth.

Family Law—The Price is Right
• After being urged to “Come on down!” students are shown a dysfunctional family and then asked to bid on what spousal support and child support amounts are appropriate. The student that comes closest to the correct amount according to state guidelines advances to the next round. In the Showcase round the students are shown the family “assets” and asked to divide them based upon equitable distribution. And as always, remember to spay and neuter your kid... uh, pets.

Evidence—Family Feud
• All the legal jargon that family members of students have been forced to endure finally pays off in this exam. Spouses, parents, siblings, and children will have to provide category answers based on all those hearsay exceptions you were drunkenly shouting at the television during Law and Order marathons, CSI, and Matlock over Christmas Break.

Criminal Law—Clue Tournament
• The old method of providing an actor, event, and theory in Criminal law exam answers takes a new twist in this tournament of the classic board game. Now students must provide the correct murderer, location, and weapon in order to succeed. E.g., Professor Hasko, in the Law Library, with the microfiche (microfiche thrown at high speeds have been used for decades to sever the carotid arteries of rival librarians).

Bankruptcy—Life Tournament
• It’s the game of Life! Deal with it, Chump.

Trial Skills
• We’re pitching a new game show to NBC execs for this one. Our tagline? “Judge Judy Meets ‘The Most Dangerous Game.’” We haven’t quite figured out how it works yet. All you need to know is that Professor Williams will only give you a five minute head start before he paints the courtroom with your blood.

Sales
• It’s not really a game, but we think it would be a good testing method anyway. This final is a lot like the standard egg/flour sack assignment from high school, in that your grade depends on the condition of your U.C.C. supplement at the end of the semester. A broken spine or excessive tabbing is an automatic grade deduction. Also, you must bear in mind Professor Beard’s care instructions—“Never expose your U.C.C. supplement to direct sunlight. Never get it wet, and most importantly, never, ever feed it after midnight.”