Get to know Moscow

So, you’re new in town or you’ve spent WAY too much time in the library (you know who you are) Well, here’s a brief guide to the top 25 locales of note (listed in no particular order) in the great city of Moscow. The first thing you need to know is, go downtown. That’s basically where everything is. Next, it is really hard to find interesting things to do during your time off. Granted, it’s probably also hard to find time off too. But if you do it right, you can play hard and work only as hard as you actually need to.

1. The Law School. You’re probably here right now. If you don’t know where that is... didn’t I see you at the Plant the other day?
2. The “Mall.” This glorious shopping bonanza contains Macy’s; Ross; Bed, Bath, and Beyond; Qdoba; Starbucks;and other places you can spend your financial aid. It’s not real money anyway — right?
3. The Kibbie Dome. You didn’t come here for the football right? At least tailgating is still fun.
4. The Plantation. Home of the yearly back to school and Halloween parties, karaoke on Friday and Saturday, bar games, bacteria, and the occasional grey-out.
5. The East Side Market. Yes, we are big enough to have an East side. This is the other pseudo-mall that has Safeway, a movie rental place, a Mexican restaurant, a Mongolian BBQ, and a “movie theater.” See Pullman for a decent theater.
6. WinCo. The largest, cheapest, and most annoying grocery store in town. And everyone knows it. It’s always packed - even at 3 a.m.
7. John’s Alley. Hippies, over-priced booze, hippies, and the same crappy jam band every weekend - what more could you ask for. Yes, the band names are different but they are the same. Trust me.
8. The Garden. You can find a law student or five almost every night of the week, but you’ll smell like you had an old school wrestling match in an ash-tray when you come out of there. Mondays = cheap drink night.
9. The Co-op. Locally grown, organic, and gold-covered. There is a bit of an excess of smug and way too much kale.
10. One World Cafe. The best coffee shop in Moscow but good luck finding a table. When you are sick of studying, you can always crack open a Spaten beer.
11. The Beach. Perhaps the only bar on the planet where you can find line dancing, step dancing, and cross-dressers in the same bar — on different nights of the week though. It boasts generally tacky décor, no hard alcohol, and is thoroughly schizophrenic.
12. C.J.’s. Moscow’s only dance club but no self-respecting law student goes here. It’s owned by a guy who told this reporter, “I specifically designed this place to get guys laid.”
13. The Corner Club. Also called, “The Club,” you enter this place a normal person and leave smelling like a fratboy who smoked a carton. It is essentially a concrete bunker that sells cheap tubs.
14. Loco Grinz. Serves great Hawai’ian plate lunch even during our crappy winters.
15. San Miguel’s. It used to be a taco truck. Now it’s the best Mexican food in town. Still, it was better at 2 a.m. on the way home from the bar.
16. Pattie’s Kitchen. Forget Qdoba, this is the place for great burritos. Plus, they cater the Welcome Back Picnic.
17. The Ale House. They brew their own beer, which is pretty good. But the food is usually overcooked and the wait staff is generally pretty bad but you are there for the beer.
18. The Red Door. Moscow’s “fancy” restaurant. A good place for a date, good food, good wine selection, French sauces, and 3L Josh McCarthy as your waitress.
19. Nectar. Good wine selection, an ever-changing menu, and an atmosphere that makes you forget you’re in Moscow, which you’ll want, especially after summer gives up her fight and the slopes are too far away with the homework that you have left to do.
20. Wal-Mart. Your source for cheap plastic crap made in China. Sure, it might be covered in lead or kill you, your children, or your pets but it’s cheap right?
21. Sangria. Another good date place as long as you don’t mind that wonderful Moscow smell of cow and suage drifting in whily you eat. Also a bit ironically, their sangria isn’t very good.
22. Wingers. If I have to explain after you read the name, you lied no your law school application. Uside, they have satelite TV so if you need to watch a game on Fox, you can do it there.
23. The Quiet Bar/University Inn. Lots of law school events happen here and I guess this is another “fancy” place. The Pantry isn’t so hot but the other places to eat and drink are pretty good.
24. The Student Rec Center. If you can avoid the place between 3 and 9 p.m., you’ll be doing yourself a favor. I mean, the view’s not bad but there are so many tools it’s like walking into Home Depot.
25. The 1912 Building. A frequent location for law school get-togethers.

Sadly, that’s about it. But you should be studying anyway.