Making Law Interesting Again

by Mike Witry

The other day I was flipping channels idly when I saw a “bug” logo in the lower right hand corner of my screen that informed me, “CourtTV is now TruTV.” Apparently televised trials just weren’t interesting enough for the American public, so now the erstwhile legal network concentrates on reality programming (which raises its own legal issues).
What’s the matter, America? Shouldn’t you be interested in the justice system your ancestors constructed and your contemporaries maintain? How can John Grisham top the best-seller list every time he writes down his grocery list, yet a network devoted to bringing you the real-life equivalent withers on the vine?
It’s time to face facts. Our trial system may have been riveting in 1789, but it’s fallen behind in the hoot-and-holler league. I humbly suggest the following reforms to make our trials worth watching.
- The layout of the courtroom needs to go. Everybody knows that if you want to create drama, you need a nearly-bare set, very dark, with a couple of spotlights, a la “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?”
- Courtroom audiences are generally silent because the judge doesn’t want them to interfere with the proceedings. This won’t prevent a little work in the editing room. If “The Flintstones” can have a laugh track, then so can a courtroom. I recommend using the audience reaction tracks from “Saved by the Bell” - especially appropriate, because one of the cast members from “Saved by the Bell: The New Class” is clerking for Justice Breyer next term (no, really!)
- The gavel is great. Love the gavel. Percussion is powerful. Maybe replace the gavel with a gong. And introduce the judge with a timpani roll.
- While we’re on the topic of introductions, the attorneys could use some more face time - they’re the ones who make the plot of the trial move forward. “Iron Chef” does an excellent job of introducing its competitors. Televised trials should borrow from its success and introduce the attorneys with montages of their past cases, and the counsels enter the courtroom accompanied by heraldic music and their firms’ honor guards.
- When people walk while talking, it creates the impression that the plot is moving along with the characters. This is why the lawyers on “Law and Order” discuss pending motions in the hallway, and Dr. House limps around the corridors of the hospital while brainstorming diagnoses. The easiest way to get lawyers to do this would be to put the witness’ microphone on a sled and pull the sled around the courthouse. The lawyer and the witness will have to keep up with it if they want the jury to hear them.
- When TV audiences encounter something they don’t understand, they change the channel. Evidence rules might be crucial to the outcome of cases, but they confuse viewers. One way to make them less confusing would be to take a page from the NFL’s playbook and implement hand signals for various rulings. “Inadmissible,” (waves hands, palms down) “calls for speculation,” (point to forehead with index finger) “disregard the answer.” (raises hand, palm out)
- Likewise, the eyes of our audience glaze over when they hear the word “Objection,” because they know they’re about to hear somebody try to stop the witness from talking for some arcane reason, and nobody’s going to explain it to them. It might be easier for the audience to comprehend if we replaced the technical term “Objection” with something more common-sense, like “Bullshit.”
- Every trial needs comic relief. Hamlet had the gravediggers, Macbeth had the old drunk guy, even the local news has the wacky weatherman. There’s no obvious place for comic relief in the courtroom, so it looks like we’ll have to assign this job to the courtroom sketch artist. Why not replace the traditional artists with caricature artists? You can find them on every street corner in major cities. They’ll draw the witnesses with huge heads, and possibly carrying items that represent the content of their testimony.
Now, some of you naysayers might be saying nay right now. Have you considered that this might be the reason they call you naysayers? If you keep disagreeing with people, they won’t like you anymore.
In summary, there’s no good reason why courtroom television can’t be a big hit. Yes, we as lawyers have a higher calling, but so do evangelists and look at the ratings they get.