Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Zombies not the cause of noise in Room 104
by Lacey Rammell-O’Brien
There I was, diligently transcribing Professor Anderson’s study visuals from the board onto my laptop screen (what does “circle circle circle, A, LC, arrow” stand for again?), lulled into trance-like contemplation by the denim-colored stripes of Anderson’s new shirt and black suspenders when suddenly the intricacies of MBCA § 6.40 were drowned out by some kind of loud, low droning.
Since it was Halloween, my first thought went to zombies. But zombies don’t exist, I reminded myself.
What about those 1L’s? They’ve had that vacant, zombie-like stare lately. And I’m pretty sure I heard a small group of them saying “BRAAAAIN! BRAAAIN!” the other day. That’s pretty common 1L behavior. Then again, they could also have been saying “BRIAAAAN! BRIAAAAN!” Buckham’s name over and over in an attempt to absorb the entire outline through meditation.
With zombies having been ruled out, what could all the fuss next door possibly be?
The noise, the bipolar temperatures, the new dance floor in the hallway...suddenly it all came together. The law school is under construction! But why? What could have caused this strangely timed venture into renovation land? To what deviant cause could I blame… er, attribute this disruption to my legal education?
Only the most logical source.
Eric Haley, I am calling you out. This construction project is completely and entirely your fault. I always knew that your “creativity” and “sense of humor” and “incredibly chiseled features” would get all of us into trouble one day. I am, of course, referring to your Inter Alia article from last winter.
You thought that we’d forgotten about that little article, didn’t you? Or maybe you were just hoping that we had. Listen, just because I have the attention span of an A.D.D. Chihuahua doesn’t mean that you can pull a fast one and expect me not to notice the connection. You went too far, Haley.
Nobody, not NOBODY, makes fun of Dean Burnett’s overhead projectors and Dean Seamon’s horse and buggy. You knew full well that Burnett’s grandfather had bartered five bushels of lentils at the Farmer’s Market for each and every one of those overhead projectors.
You overstepped your bounds, and now the administration is exacting their revenge. Thanks a lot, funny man.
Sure, Seamon tries to cover up the conspiracy by promising to tell the construction workers to “pipe” down while they place pipe in 104. No man uses puns that bad unintentionally. Now he’s just toying with us.
So let this construction serve as a warning for all of you so-called potential “humor” writers… don’t target the technology in the law school unless you’re willing to have all of us pay the price.
And someone please give the 1L’s some fresh Buckham outlines before they start searching for fresh brains.
There I was, diligently transcribing Professor Anderson’s study visuals from the board onto my laptop screen (what does “circle circle circle, A, LC, arrow” stand for again?), lulled into trance-like contemplation by the denim-colored stripes of Anderson’s new shirt and black suspenders when suddenly the intricacies of MBCA § 6.40 were drowned out by some kind of loud, low droning.
Since it was Halloween, my first thought went to zombies. But zombies don’t exist, I reminded myself.
What about those 1L’s? They’ve had that vacant, zombie-like stare lately. And I’m pretty sure I heard a small group of them saying “BRAAAAIN! BRAAAIN!” the other day. That’s pretty common 1L behavior. Then again, they could also have been saying “BRIAAAAN! BRIAAAAN!” Buckham’s name over and over in an attempt to absorb the entire outline through meditation.
With zombies having been ruled out, what could all the fuss next door possibly be?
The noise, the bipolar temperatures, the new dance floor in the hallway...suddenly it all came together. The law school is under construction! But why? What could have caused this strangely timed venture into renovation land? To what deviant cause could I blame… er, attribute this disruption to my legal education?
Only the most logical source.
Eric Haley, I am calling you out. This construction project is completely and entirely your fault. I always knew that your “creativity” and “sense of humor” and “incredibly chiseled features” would get all of us into trouble one day. I am, of course, referring to your Inter Alia article from last winter.
You thought that we’d forgotten about that little article, didn’t you? Or maybe you were just hoping that we had. Listen, just because I have the attention span of an A.D.D. Chihuahua doesn’t mean that you can pull a fast one and expect me not to notice the connection. You went too far, Haley.
Nobody, not NOBODY, makes fun of Dean Burnett’s overhead projectors and Dean Seamon’s horse and buggy. You knew full well that Burnett’s grandfather had bartered five bushels of lentils at the Farmer’s Market for each and every one of those overhead projectors.
You overstepped your bounds, and now the administration is exacting their revenge. Thanks a lot, funny man.
Sure, Seamon tries to cover up the conspiracy by promising to tell the construction workers to “pipe” down while they place pipe in 104. No man uses puns that bad unintentionally. Now he’s just toying with us.
So let this construction serve as a warning for all of you so-called potential “humor” writers… don’t target the technology in the law school unless you’re willing to have all of us pay the price.
And someone please give the 1L’s some fresh Buckham outlines before they start searching for fresh brains.
Heard Around the Law School
compiled by R.J. Linnan
• Kurdish Turds
• I lost to a guy in a blow-up bull.
• An all access pass to back door land
• My mens rea was broken on Saturday
• I swear to God, if you dutch oven me, I’ll kick you in the nuts.
• Neal answered it better than I could
• How was it? Tippy.
• She’s not even hot anymore. Yeah, now I just want her to put her underwear ON.
• Jesus, big deal. EVEN PETE could kick his ass.
• WAIT! It was black?!?!?
• I thought that if I just sprinted in mid-air I would hit the ground running. I was wrong.
• Assholes gave me a headache today. Hopefully you have just one asshole. I do, silly. Then you don’t have to worry about the other ones.
• Is there a way that I can make all Hasko, kudos, book giveaway, and ‘The Crit’ emails go straight to junk? What the hell is ‘The Crit’ anyway and how did it get my email address?
• Have the courtesy to at least PRETEND that what you’re doing has something to do with class
• Kurdish Turds
• I lost to a guy in a blow-up bull.
• An all access pass to back door land
• My mens rea was broken on Saturday
• I swear to God, if you dutch oven me, I’ll kick you in the nuts.
• Neal answered it better than I could
• How was it? Tippy.
• She’s not even hot anymore. Yeah, now I just want her to put her underwear ON.
• Jesus, big deal. EVEN PETE could kick his ass.
• WAIT! It was black?!?!?
• I thought that if I just sprinted in mid-air I would hit the ground running. I was wrong.
• Assholes gave me a headache today. Hopefully you have just one asshole. I do, silly. Then you don’t have to worry about the other ones.
• Is there a way that I can make all Hasko, kudos, book giveaway, and ‘The Crit’ emails go straight to junk? What the hell is ‘The Crit’ anyway and how did it get my email address?
• Have the courtesy to at least PRETEND that what you’re doing has something to do with class
Why move to Boise? We have night-school here!
by Jordan Taylor
Silly of me to think my law school schedule would in any way resemble my old 8-5 work schedule. Also silly of me – registering for Professional Responsibility after 7:08 PM this Monday. Obviously that was way too late to get into §2. Those 2L’s....registering for Spring classes within 5 minutes of opening is obviously much more important than attending Fall classes....
What irks me the most about Spring 2008?
The 6 hour gap between Con II and Evidence? There is only so much web to surf between classes. Staying at school until 8 PM on Fridays? Don’t they know its ski season ! 104’s continued hiatus? I’m beginning to wonder if that inane Westlaw training will be my only experience in that room.
It looks like the transition to night school is coming sooner than we think.
Silly of me to think my law school schedule would in any way resemble my old 8-5 work schedule. Also silly of me – registering for Professional Responsibility after 7:08 PM this Monday. Obviously that was way too late to get into §2. Those 2L’s....registering for Spring classes within 5 minutes of opening is obviously much more important than attending Fall classes....
What irks me the most about Spring 2008?
The 6 hour gap between Con II and Evidence? There is only so much web to surf between classes. Staying at school until 8 PM on Fridays? Don’t they know its ski season ! 104’s continued hiatus? I’m beginning to wonder if that inane Westlaw training will be my only experience in that room.
It looks like the transition to night school is coming sooner than we think.
Ask RJ
Dear RJ,
My friends and I have submitted answers to last week’s quiz but have not heard who won the dinner at RJ & Josh’s house.
Man About Really Knowing
Dear MARK,
As you know, according to the University of Idaho, College of Law Honor Code students must refrain from or report any act of false statement, breach of trust, or interference with property, so I am certain that Mr. Fletcher will be in contact with the editors of interalia and me to arrange for payment of the prize for one of the winners. Mr. Fletcher will undoubtedly be purchasing groceries for the dinner that he offered as a prize in advertising the contest. We will keep you posted.
Dear RJ,
Why did the rear entrance to the law school sound like the world’s larges vibrator this week?
Bothered by Loud Obnoxious Wackiness
Dear BLOW
I heard that they are converting the courtroom into something… better. That’s all I know.
Dear RJ,
Why are you so mean and sarcastic?
Student
Advocating Pleasantries
Dear SAP
I am a former romantic; jaded disillusioned, and lacking faith in human nature. And I don’t like you.
Dear RJ,
I need some serious advice. Lately, I have been getting the feeling that people are talking about me. I don’t get this feeling because people approach me themselves or because I overhear them in the hallways. Sadly RJ, I get this feeling because people we go to school with are assholes. Maybe (and this is what I need help with) they are just bored. And maybe they know me better than I know myself and feel like it isn’t necessary to ask me things that are none of their business. And THAT is why they like to have group discussions about my life and what I am doing. What do you think? I suppose it could be because they think I am so interesting. Or it could be that those people really like “The Hills” and long to bring some of that jerkstore drama into their own backyards. Or it could be that it is much easier to discuss my life amongst themselves than to talk to me about it in person. Lately I have come to realize that if we learn anything at all in law school, is that it’s better to speculate and rely on hearsay than it is to get solid evidence from the source. RJ, what should I do?
Her Every Single Trait Examined
Regularly
Dear HESTER,
First of all, don’t feel like Tigger, cause you’re not the only one. There are several people around that law school about whom others feel it necessary to postulate, speculate, defenestrate, obfuscate, communicate, equivocate, fantasticate, implicate, prognosticate (occasionally) advocate, and fornicate. Another problem is that it isn’t just the students doing all of this complicating, there are those on the faculty and staff who sometimes feel it necessary to jump on the bandwagon. There is at least one person in each class who is suffering the slings and arrows of the viperous, lecherous, and jealous. Let’s face it, the simple truth of the matter is that there isn’t much to be done for it except to carry yourself with dignity, and take the opportunity to look people in the eye whenever you can. And smile. If you’re looking them in the eye and smiling, they won’t see me bending down behind them so you can push them down. In a heap. Crying.
Dear RJ
Why is it that Professors can force you to go to class simply so they can spout off their personal political agendas?
Student Tired, Unconvinced Of Diehard Rhetoric
Dear STUDOR
We, as people, tend to surround ourselves with other people who agree with us, so without a professor spouting opinions that were completely foreign to everyone but Mike French, how would you know that those opinions were even out there? Law school is all about being exposed to other people’s opinions, and then doing your best to prove them wrong.
Dear RJ,
The ACLU does suck, so what’s the big deal?
A Serious Student
Dear ASS,
The problem isn’t the ACLU, it’s their advertising and reputation. Clearly to appeal to someone like you, they shouldn’t focus on their work in minority rights, for women’s rights, voting rights, reproductive freedom, or gay rights. Perhaps if you knew that they also worked to defend the right to keep and bear arms, freedom of and from religion, free speech (even of Supremacists, and protestors), and the mentally disabled, you would feel differently. Maybe if you were told the organization was dedicated to EVERYONE’S civil liberties, regardless of their political background or views you would feel differently. Or maybe if you knew that they were working to defend someone like Larry Craig, a man who is anti gay rights, Canadian lumber, and taxes, and pro agriculture, dams, and guns you’d realize that it isn’t just a liberal organization. Or maybe you’re just a douchebag.
My friends and I have submitted answers to last week’s quiz but have not heard who won the dinner at RJ & Josh’s house.
Man About Really Knowing
Dear MARK,
As you know, according to the University of Idaho, College of Law Honor Code students must refrain from or report any act of false statement, breach of trust, or interference with property, so I am certain that Mr. Fletcher will be in contact with the editors of interalia and me to arrange for payment of the prize for one of the winners. Mr. Fletcher will undoubtedly be purchasing groceries for the dinner that he offered as a prize in advertising the contest. We will keep you posted.
Dear RJ,
Why did the rear entrance to the law school sound like the world’s larges vibrator this week?
Bothered by Loud Obnoxious Wackiness
Dear BLOW
I heard that they are converting the courtroom into something… better. That’s all I know.
Dear RJ,
Why are you so mean and sarcastic?
Student
Advocating Pleasantries
Dear SAP
I am a former romantic; jaded disillusioned, and lacking faith in human nature. And I don’t like you.
Dear RJ,
I need some serious advice. Lately, I have been getting the feeling that people are talking about me. I don’t get this feeling because people approach me themselves or because I overhear them in the hallways. Sadly RJ, I get this feeling because people we go to school with are assholes. Maybe (and this is what I need help with) they are just bored. And maybe they know me better than I know myself and feel like it isn’t necessary to ask me things that are none of their business. And THAT is why they like to have group discussions about my life and what I am doing. What do you think? I suppose it could be because they think I am so interesting. Or it could be that those people really like “The Hills” and long to bring some of that jerkstore drama into their own backyards. Or it could be that it is much easier to discuss my life amongst themselves than to talk to me about it in person. Lately I have come to realize that if we learn anything at all in law school, is that it’s better to speculate and rely on hearsay than it is to get solid evidence from the source. RJ, what should I do?
Her Every Single Trait Examined
Regularly
Dear HESTER,
First of all, don’t feel like Tigger, cause you’re not the only one. There are several people around that law school about whom others feel it necessary to postulate, speculate, defenestrate, obfuscate, communicate, equivocate, fantasticate, implicate, prognosticate (occasionally) advocate, and fornicate. Another problem is that it isn’t just the students doing all of this complicating, there are those on the faculty and staff who sometimes feel it necessary to jump on the bandwagon. There is at least one person in each class who is suffering the slings and arrows of the viperous, lecherous, and jealous. Let’s face it, the simple truth of the matter is that there isn’t much to be done for it except to carry yourself with dignity, and take the opportunity to look people in the eye whenever you can. And smile. If you’re looking them in the eye and smiling, they won’t see me bending down behind them so you can push them down. In a heap. Crying.
Dear RJ
Why is it that Professors can force you to go to class simply so they can spout off their personal political agendas?
Student Tired, Unconvinced Of Diehard Rhetoric
Dear STUDOR
We, as people, tend to surround ourselves with other people who agree with us, so without a professor spouting opinions that were completely foreign to everyone but Mike French, how would you know that those opinions were even out there? Law school is all about being exposed to other people’s opinions, and then doing your best to prove them wrong.
Dear RJ,
The ACLU does suck, so what’s the big deal?
A Serious Student
Dear ASS,
The problem isn’t the ACLU, it’s their advertising and reputation. Clearly to appeal to someone like you, they shouldn’t focus on their work in minority rights, for women’s rights, voting rights, reproductive freedom, or gay rights. Perhaps if you knew that they also worked to defend the right to keep and bear arms, freedom of and from religion, free speech (even of Supremacists, and protestors), and the mentally disabled, you would feel differently. Maybe if you were told the organization was dedicated to EVERYONE’S civil liberties, regardless of their political background or views you would feel differently. Or maybe if you knew that they were working to defend someone like Larry Craig, a man who is anti gay rights, Canadian lumber, and taxes, and pro agriculture, dams, and guns you’d realize that it isn’t just a liberal organization. Or maybe you’re just a douchebag.
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