Ask RJ

Dear RJ,
My friends and I have submitted answers to last week’s quiz but have not heard who won the dinner at RJ & Josh’s house.

Man About Really Knowing

Dear MARK,
As you know, according to the University of Idaho, College of Law Honor Code students must refrain from or report any act of false statement, breach of trust, or interference with property, so I am certain that Mr. Fletcher will be in contact with the editors of interalia and me to arrange for payment of the prize for one of the winners. Mr. Fletcher will undoubtedly be purchasing groceries for the dinner that he offered as a prize in advertising the contest. We will keep you posted.

Dear RJ,
Why did the rear entrance to the law school sound like the world’s larges vibrator this week?

Bothered by Loud Obnoxious Wackiness

Dear BLOW
I heard that they are converting the courtroom into something… better. That’s all I know.

Dear RJ,
Why are you so mean and sarcastic?

Student
Advocating Pleasantries

Dear SAP
I am a former romantic; jaded disillusioned, and lacking faith in human nature. And I don’t like you.

Dear RJ,
I need some serious advice. Lately, I have been getting the feeling that people are talking about me. I don’t get this feeling because people approach me themselves or because I overhear them in the hallways. Sadly RJ, I get this feeling because people we go to school with are assholes. Maybe (and this is what I need help with) they are just bored. And maybe they know me better than I know myself and feel like it isn’t necessary to ask me things that are none of their business. And THAT is why they like to have group discussions about my life and what I am doing. What do you think? I suppose it could be because they think I am so interesting. Or it could be that those people really like “The Hills” and long to bring some of that jerkstore drama into their own backyards. Or it could be that it is much easier to discuss my life amongst themselves than to talk to me about it in person. Lately I have come to realize that if we learn anything at all in law school, is that it’s better to speculate and rely on hearsay than it is to get solid evidence from the source. RJ, what should I do?

Her Every Single Trait Examined
Regularly

Dear HESTER,
First of all, don’t feel like Tigger, cause you’re not the only one. There are several people around that law school about whom others feel it necessary to postulate, speculate, defenestrate, obfuscate, communicate, equivocate, fantasticate, implicate, prognosticate (occasionally) advocate, and fornicate. Another problem is that it isn’t just the students doing all of this complicating, there are those on the faculty and staff who sometimes feel it necessary to jump on the bandwagon. There is at least one person in each class who is suffering the slings and arrows of the viperous, lecherous, and jealous. Let’s face it, the simple truth of the matter is that there isn’t much to be done for it except to carry yourself with dignity, and take the opportunity to look people in the eye whenever you can. And smile. If you’re looking them in the eye and smiling, they won’t see me bending down behind them so you can push them down. In a heap. Crying.

Dear RJ
Why is it that Professors can force you to go to class simply so they can spout off their personal political agendas?

Student Tired, Unconvinced Of Diehard Rhetoric

Dear STUDOR
We, as people, tend to surround ourselves with other people who agree with us, so without a professor spouting opinions that were completely foreign to everyone but Mike French, how would you know that those opinions were even out there? Law school is all about being exposed to other people’s opinions, and then doing your best to prove them wrong.

Dear RJ,
The ACLU does suck, so what’s the big deal?

A Serious Student

Dear ASS,

The problem isn’t the ACLU, it’s their advertising and reputation. Clearly to appeal to someone like you, they shouldn’t focus on their work in minority rights, for women’s rights, voting rights, reproductive freedom, or gay rights. Perhaps if you knew that they also worked to defend the right to keep and bear arms, freedom of and from religion, free speech (even of Supremacists, and protestors), and the mentally disabled, you would feel differently. Maybe if you were told the organization was dedicated to EVERYONE’S civil liberties, regardless of their political background or views you would feel differently. Or maybe if you knew that they were working to defend someone like Larry Craig, a man who is anti gay rights, Canadian lumber, and taxes, and pro agriculture, dams, and guns you’d realize that it isn’t just a liberal organization. Or maybe you’re just a douchebag.

You’re just an obscure language or debilitating disease away from a great scholarship

Dear RJ,
I am a little concerned with the cost of law school and living here in Moscow. Is there anything I can do to help supplement my college loans?
Befuddled Reader of Knowledge Emails

Dear BROKE
Well, part time jobs are not as abundant in Moscow as one might hope, especially for 1L’s and 2L’s but there is good news! There are lots of scholarships available, and our Office of Academic Support can link you up with them. Do you have an interest in Abkhazia and speak Gujarati? Are you interested in the Kingdom of Lesotho and speak Macedo-Romanian? Perhaps you’re a one legged autistic of Liechtensteinen descent or a homosexual diabetic with dwarfism? Then there is a scholarship that our Office of Academic Support can help you apply for!

Dear RJ,
Is it true that Instructor Laurie O’Neal hit Associate Professor Long with her car while he was on a bicycle?
A Worried Student

Dear AWS
Yes.

Dear RJ,
Is it true that Jimmy Mac is a Left Wing agenda promoting nut job who hit someone on a bicycle with his truck?
Con Law Student

Dear CLS
Jimmy Mac has not hit anyone on a bicycle with his truck.

Dear RJ
This summer I had a friend go through a costly and painful divorce. My friend was really low on money at the time so he asked the clinic if they could help him file his divorce but he was told that the clinic couldn’t take on a law student as a client because it was a conflict of interest for clinic students to have personal information about the people with whom they take classes. I have since learned that the clinic takes on students as clients fairly regularly, even if the student is in classes with law students, or is well known to the clinic students. Do the people in the clinic just hate my friend and me?
Perplexed By Policy.

Dear PBP,
The short answer is yes, the people running the clinic DO hate you and your friend, but there is an explanation. The students in clinic have a duty of confidentiality to the people they work with as clients, but that’s only for people they don’t know well. Full time attorneys who have taken the bar certainly don’t take friends and relatives on as clients! Besides, according to an unnamed and highly placed source in the clinic environs, law students ask a lot of pesky questions about their cases and are generally a pain in the ass as clients, so it is a lot easier to have a policy that, while making no logical sense, simply bars law students as clients altogether. This way, all of those pesky questions and that tricky confidentiality thing can be avoided.

Dear RJ,
I like to play Magic The Gathering. How can I find more people to play with?
Anonymous Annoying Reader of Nerdy Cards

Dear AARON,
I had to do some research to answer this question, but I have an answer for you. Apparently aside from going directly to the local hobby shop, logging time in Magic chat rooms, and going to conventions, you can go to the airport, sit down in a stall, and tap your foot repeatedly. If the person next to you taps his or her foot against yours in return, then you wave your hand under the stall while holding a Magic Card in your palm so that it can be seen, you just might have a playmate.

Dear RJ,
I heard that both 1L Powder Puff Teams left the tournament without having a playoff to see which team was better. Is this true? Why did it happen?
Fun and Naughty

Dear FAN
The 1L girls understand the true meaning of sportsmanship, that the endeavoring is more important than the win, that having nothing to prove, it was better to take a tie and make winners of all rather than making losers of some. Plus it was cold, and the 2L girls were really mean.