Dear RJ

Dear RJ
Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party or any organization dedicated to the over throw of the democratically elected government of the United States of America? Who are your employers, have you been convicted of or arrested for anything, where have you lived for the last ten years, can you prove you were born in this country, what were you doing in Guatemala that time, can you name 8 people who aren’t related to you or who didn’t go to law school with you who are willing to say that you won’t bring shame to the legal profession, was that girl in Waikiki, did you pay full price for all of the music in your iTunes library, when was your last prostate exam, are you dating anyone, and did you enclose your check for $415?

Bullshit Asinine Requirements

Dear BAR
There’s no place that I’d rather be than right here with my white socks, red necks, and blue ribbon beer.

Dear RJ,
I was downstairs the other day and I noticed that there might be a crack or two in the building’s foundation. I was thinking of having it checked out so I could make sure everything is ok but I thought maybe I should sound the alarm to the whole student body so that everyone can panic. Oh... and I figured I’d lock the doors and trap them inside while I investigate. Because if the whole building is going to fall on our heads in a week we’re MUCH better off spending the next four days in a constant state of uncertainty.

Student Caring About Recent Educational Decisions

Dear SCARED,
I have to assume you are using sarcasm to refer obliquely to the exam situation, the grades situation, the construction situation, the move or not to move or sort of but not really move but just be both places at once situation, the parking situation, and…well it goes on, and if I was a 1L, I might make some half-hearted joke about the administration’s liability under a suit for the intentional infliction of emotional distress, (Mental note. Ask Monique Lillard about the requirements of/for that. I could use some cash to study for the bar) but I am sure that there is a committee discussing the decision to form a committee to discuss the possibility that there might be a problem with, well, it seems like damn near everything lately, and that if there is, the forming of a committee to define the problems, how best to ignore them, and how many students should be on the committee. So, you see, it’s all under control and you have nothing to worry about. At least if you’re graduating this year - except getting that letter that explains how Idaho grades harder than other Law Schools to show potential employers. Or if you aren’t graduating, you might consider worrying about what classes are going to be offered, how you aren’t going to be able to get into them, how they conflict with other classes, if the electronics are ever going to get into 104, if you are ever going to see the inside of the courtroom again, which Professor is going to bail out or retire next, what it is going to cost you to move to Boise part way through Law School, what’s going to go wrong with examsoft next, whether you’re going to have to re-take another final through no fault of your own, whether you are going to be misled about what or how to study, how you’re…uh, Jeez. It does sound pretty bad, doesn’t it? Do you just want to give me a call, and we can go get a drink later and commiserate?

Dear RJ,
I know you have addressed it before, but what in the name of all that is good and holy is the deal with the roads in this burg in the winter time?
Student Looking at Ice Debacle

Dear SLID
What do you mean? You have collision insurance right? Drive more carefully. There is no reason to do more than polish the roads to a fine icy glaze. If they took care of the road by removing all of the obvious ice and snow, black ice might occur, and you wouldn’t know they were slippery and you wouldn’t drive as carefully. Icy shitty roads are for your own good. Since you drive a ’55 Studebaker, salting the road might cause your car to rust. Modern vehicles don’t have rust resistant panels and paint and undercoating, and a certain amount of plastic instead of pressed iron and steel do they? The sound of chains on the road is very soothing.

Dear RJ,
Where are you going to take the Bar exam? Did you look at that email I had your step-mother send you about the house for sale in Texas? Who are you staying with after you graduate? Graduation is the 11th right? You still have a place for us to stay? What are you going to do with your life? I found an ad for a professional bodyguard/mercenary company in Houston, you’re going to be bored as a lawyer.

Devoted and Dear

Dear DAD,
The Texas Bar…I am going to drive to Texas, get drunk twice, and then start studying for the Bar exam. For the love of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, that’s all I know, but could you have Sharon send me the link for that job in Houston?

Dear RJ,
What did you do over break?
Person at Lawschool

Dear PAL
I spent a week in New York City, linked up with some old friends from college, and see above question and answer. See above question and answer. See above question and answer.