Zombies not the cause of noise in Room 104

by Lacey Rammell-O’Brien

There I was, diligently transcribing Professor Anderson’s study visuals from the board onto my laptop screen (what does “circle circle circle, A, LC, arrow” stand for again?), lulled into trance-like contemplation by the denim-colored stripes of Anderson’s new shirt and black suspenders when suddenly the intricacies of MBCA § 6.40 were drowned out by some kind of loud, low droning.
Since it was Halloween, my first thought went to zombies. But zombies don’t exist, I reminded myself.
What about those 1L’s? They’ve had that vacant, zombie-like stare lately. And I’m pretty sure I heard a small group of them saying “BRAAAAIN! BRAAAIN!” the other day. That’s pretty common 1L behavior. Then again, they could also have been saying “BRIAAAAN! BRIAAAAN!” Buckham’s name over and over in an attempt to absorb the entire outline through meditation.
With zombies having been ruled out, what could all the fuss next door possibly be?
The noise, the bipolar temperatures, the new dance floor in the hallway...suddenly it all came together. The law school is under construction! But why? What could have caused this strangely timed venture into renovation land? To what deviant cause could I blame… er, attribute this disruption to my legal education?
Only the most logical source.
Eric Haley, I am calling you out. This construction project is completely and entirely your fault. I always knew that your “creativity” and “sense of humor” and “incredibly chiseled features” would get all of us into trouble one day. I am, of course, referring to your Inter Alia article from last winter.
You thought that we’d forgotten about that little article, didn’t you? Or maybe you were just hoping that we had. Listen, just because I have the attention span of an A.D.D. Chihuahua doesn’t mean that you can pull a fast one and expect me not to notice the connection. You went too far, Haley.
Nobody, not NOBODY, makes fun of Dean Burnett’s overhead projectors and Dean Seamon’s horse and buggy. You knew full well that Burnett’s grandfather had bartered five bushels of lentils at the Farmer’s Market for each and every one of those overhead projectors.
You overstepped your bounds, and now the administration is exacting their revenge. Thanks a lot, funny man.
Sure, Seamon tries to cover up the conspiracy by promising to tell the construction workers to “pipe” down while they place pipe in 104. No man uses puns that bad unintentionally. Now he’s just toying with us.
So let this construction serve as a warning for all of you so-called potential “humor” writers… don’t target the technology in the law school unless you’re willing to have all of us pay the price.
And someone please give the 1L’s some fresh Buckham outlines before they start searching for fresh brains.