3Ls Triumphant

UPS (Brown) beats Hooligans (Royal Blue) in final WLC Powderpuff Football game; 1Ls limp home to lick wounds

by Eric Haley

On Friday Oct 5, with a wind chill factor of -218 degrees, the ladies of the law school took to the football fields to bring the pain in the grossly mislabeled yet supremely awesome, Powder Puff Football tournament. Two 1L teams made their inaugural run at the championship: Team 1-Hell and The Appropriators. As usual, the 1L little lambs served as a delicious snack for the 2 and 3L teams as 1-Hell dropped their first game to 2L’s The Hooligans and the second game to 3L’s UPS. The Appropriaters stayed out of the “L” column during the first round of play by utilizing “the bye”, however, they faced defeat at the hands of a snarling 2L Legally Pink who had just been packed and shipped to the loser’s bracket by UPS. The Appropriator’s fate was sealed with a subsequent loss to The Hooligans who put on a clinic of quarterback sneaks and superb passing. With vision’s of Jodi Felton interceptions still haunting Legally Pink, they faced elimination against The Hooligans in the 2L rival game. Pink’s QB, Janet Clark, put the ball in the air but The Hooligan’s defense proved too much leaving Pink scoreless in the game. Melissa Woods found the in-zone on an insane catch intended for a fellow receiver but batted out of the air by Legally Pink’s defense. Receptions by Laura Sbertoli helped The Hooligan’s march toward two touchdowns to seal the deal, leaving this Legally Pink Coach proud of his team and in hiding for all the shit he talked to obviously superior Hooligan Coaching Staff Matt, Josh and Neil. The championship game saw Coaches Witry, Zanetti, Mihara and staff lead UPS to victory as defensive warrior Sharon Mclaughlin dared The Hooligans to pass or run with crazy blitzing. UPS contained QB Suzie Jensen (who is used to running to the in-zone in her sleep) and glided down the field with excellent running by Amy Kingston. At the end of the night, UPS emerged unbeaten with a 14-0 win in the championship game. Congratulations UPS, 2007 Powder Puff Champions!

You’re just an obscure language or debilitating disease away from a great scholarship

Dear RJ,
I am a little concerned with the cost of law school and living here in Moscow. Is there anything I can do to help supplement my college loans?
Befuddled Reader of Knowledge Emails

Dear BROKE
Well, part time jobs are not as abundant in Moscow as one might hope, especially for 1L’s and 2L’s but there is good news! There are lots of scholarships available, and our Office of Academic Support can link you up with them. Do you have an interest in Abkhazia and speak Gujarati? Are you interested in the Kingdom of Lesotho and speak Macedo-Romanian? Perhaps you’re a one legged autistic of Liechtensteinen descent or a homosexual diabetic with dwarfism? Then there is a scholarship that our Office of Academic Support can help you apply for!

Dear RJ,
Is it true that Instructor Laurie O’Neal hit Associate Professor Long with her car while he was on a bicycle?
A Worried Student

Dear AWS
Yes.

Dear RJ,
Is it true that Jimmy Mac is a Left Wing agenda promoting nut job who hit someone on a bicycle with his truck?
Con Law Student

Dear CLS
Jimmy Mac has not hit anyone on a bicycle with his truck.

Dear RJ
This summer I had a friend go through a costly and painful divorce. My friend was really low on money at the time so he asked the clinic if they could help him file his divorce but he was told that the clinic couldn’t take on a law student as a client because it was a conflict of interest for clinic students to have personal information about the people with whom they take classes. I have since learned that the clinic takes on students as clients fairly regularly, even if the student is in classes with law students, or is well known to the clinic students. Do the people in the clinic just hate my friend and me?
Perplexed By Policy.

Dear PBP,
The short answer is yes, the people running the clinic DO hate you and your friend, but there is an explanation. The students in clinic have a duty of confidentiality to the people they work with as clients, but that’s only for people they don’t know well. Full time attorneys who have taken the bar certainly don’t take friends and relatives on as clients! Besides, according to an unnamed and highly placed source in the clinic environs, law students ask a lot of pesky questions about their cases and are generally a pain in the ass as clients, so it is a lot easier to have a policy that, while making no logical sense, simply bars law students as clients altogether. This way, all of those pesky questions and that tricky confidentiality thing can be avoided.

Dear RJ,
I like to play Magic The Gathering. How can I find more people to play with?
Anonymous Annoying Reader of Nerdy Cards

Dear AARON,
I had to do some research to answer this question, but I have an answer for you. Apparently aside from going directly to the local hobby shop, logging time in Magic chat rooms, and going to conventions, you can go to the airport, sit down in a stall, and tap your foot repeatedly. If the person next to you taps his or her foot against yours in return, then you wave your hand under the stall while holding a Magic Card in your palm so that it can be seen, you just might have a playmate.

Dear RJ,
I heard that both 1L Powder Puff Teams left the tournament without having a playoff to see which team was better. Is this true? Why did it happen?
Fun and Naughty

Dear FAN
The 1L girls understand the true meaning of sportsmanship, that the endeavoring is more important than the win, that having nothing to prove, it was better to take a tie and make winners of all rather than making losers of some. Plus it was cold, and the 2L girls were really mean.

Whole school sued for copyright infringement

by Ty Bair

Early Monday morning, very nearly every member of the Idaho Law community, including professors, students, administrative staff, clinic personnel, and custodians, was served with a “settlement letter” from the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA), which seeks damages for alleged violations of artist copyrights. The charges come in response to the recent arrest of Sean “Moscova Bazaar” Beck, who has for the last two years sold thousands of pieces of illegally copied music, movies, and novelty items in the basement of the Menard College of Law Building.
The accusations themselves are varied. 1L Andreus Schou is accused of downloading 1983’s Huey Lewis and the News work, Sports, the original release of which he actually remembers. 3L William Fletcher allegedly downloaded “dozens” of tracks by songstress Sarah McLachlan, including four different live versions of “Building a Mystery.” The only student who has not been charged with copyright infringement is 3L Lindsey Simon, who, astonishingly, paid for the sound tracks to High School Musical and High School Musical 2.
Some students have already moved to settle. 3L student Mindy Willman admits she downloaded the explicit version of NWA’s Straight Outta Compton, which is actually pretty awesome. Not surprisingly, 2L Neal Burns denied having downloaded the sound track to The Little Mermaid. Sole Canadian, Danielle Rowand, denies RIAA’s allegation that she downloaded Bryan Adams’s entire discography, although she admits to having downloaded a lot of Tragically Hip and Barenaked Ladies tracks.
Reactions to the RIAA’s actions have been mixed. Local musician “Hair Metal” Luke B. expressed support, although he declined to give his full name to this reporter, for fear of his safety. “I’ve worked for a lot of years to cultivate a hard-rock persona. It’s bullshit that someone can just download a copy of Appetite for Destruction and start aping my style without spending a penny. I bought that album on cassette!”
Mr. B. then threw the horns.
Other musicians were more ambivalent. “Fuck the RIAA. I’ve never made any money off music and they shouldn’t either,” said singer-songwriter Trent B., who also declined to give his full name.
The actual effect of the RIAA’s legal threats may be minimal. Most members of the College of Law community, with the obvious exception of Katherine Spenner, are totally judgment proof. Furthermore, intellectual property experts Professors Bridy and Anderson note RIAA will probably sue a number of students across the street for every one of us it sues, potentially making us a long-term profit by drumming up business. Professor Anderson is himself accused of trademark violation, having marketed a signature line of yellow and red silk neckties, allegedly in violation of an existing trademark.
In related news, Motion Picture Association of America process servers have thus far failed in their attempts to serve a complaint on Professor Williams, whom they accuse of downloading and watching the entire series run of Sex and the City. Twice.

Ad

College of Law approaches 1,000th “Be quiet” message

by Eric Haley

The students at the University of Idaho School of Law are abuzz this semester and the topic of conversation isn’t as centered around the Judicial branch of government as one might think. The school populace remains on pins and needles eager to watch the shattering of a milestone that many thought could never be reached. The next electronic mail (E-mail) requesting silence in the library will be the school’s 1000th mass communication on the subject.
“Back in 1800-and-something-or-other when the school was founded, the faculty had a bet as to when the school’s postal horseman would deliver the 300th letter requesting silence in the library, consensus was reached on the year 2753”, reported Dean Brandt. “Well, they were way off!”
“They didn’t bother predicting when the 500th mass request would come out because the founding Dean’s felt like the world would have long ceased due to the sun exploding into a red giant before it was necessary.”
University of Idaho Law School Historian Rose Duffy told this Inter Alia insider, “Yep. People have bitched about noise in the library ever since it was necessary to send actual paper mail but the “boo-hooeyness” really hit its stride with the invention of Morse Code. Take a gander at this little piece of University of Idaho Law history dated 1900 and 12 in the year of our Lord: Beep-beep-bu-beep-beep-beep. Can’t translate that? Didn’t think so, guess that is why I am the historian. It says, ‘Students, please be silent in the library, fellow students are trying to study.’ It was transmitted 215 times between 1912 and 1954. A little factoid most students are unaware of dates back to 1953, when a student actually hired a barber shop quartet to deliver a singing telegram to the student body at large requesting…SIIII-LEEENCE in THEEE LIBRARY….uh bom bom bom shooby du wop!”
The world wide web has been the single most important tool in the quest for 1000 by allowing students to tattle at the speed of light however, some students still resist the urge.
Two-L Nick Peterson commented, “I study in the library. Sometimes people walk by me and make eye contact with each other and that alone pisses me off. More then once, this has led to fleeting conversation as they pass by. When it happens, I usually repeat “There’s no place like home” over and over again until the rage subsides. Most of the time it works even if I am not wearing my ruby reds that day. Sure, it would be nice to go messy in my diaper and fire off a complaint to the SBA Sergeant at Arms but if I do I feel like it would just validate these verbal terrorists.”
When asked to gauge the effectiveness of “Be quiet in the library” e-mails on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being “Yeah, when I read one I am totally reminded of the forgotten fact that the library is not a place to socialize so I shut my trap”) 2L Emma Wilson said, “Oh, I have my email set so that any emails with the words “library and silence” go to my spam folder so I have to give them a 1. But thats changing today out of respect for the 999 tattlers who got us here. My team is thinking about having Powder Puff practice in the second floor just so we can say we were the 1000th. WHOO HOO!

Overheard at the Law School

by R.J. Linnan

• If I ever meet this McNichols guy, I’m gonna kick him in the nuts
• Wait. Jimmy Mac is getting sued?!
• Neil! Eat a bagel.
• Doesn’t study group imply that we should all be participating and not just tutoring one selfish asshole?
• What the hell does sustainability mean anyway? What are we trying to sustain, the shortage?
• I am not saying shit, I don’t want Salma to kick my ass.
• If they made yellow earbuds, do you think they would blend into my hair so that I could watch youtube in class?
• What are these books always doing here? Oh, they’re library books.
• Wait… is she CRYING?
• Oh WOW, Dude, you’ve got a strong stomach. That girl REEKS.
• Yeah, well I went to see Oprah, and got fuck all.
• I wanted to sing Hootie, and she cued It’s Raining Men.
• J. Miller makes a reference to Baron Harkonnen and suddenly all geeks in our class have been identified