Please, let me enjoy my romance novels

by Lindsey Simon

Law school has ruined a lot of things for me, like enjoying Law & Order and my capacity to be interesting to anyone not in law school. But of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my ability to suspend belief enough to enjoy cheesy romance novels the most.
Family law has been particularly destructive. After we learned that in many states unwed fathers must file with the putative father registry before or soon after the birth of the child in order to assert their paternal rights against an uncooperative mother. I was shocked! What does this do to one of my favorite romance novel plot devices (the good ol’ we-had-a-one-night-stand-and-you-got-pregnant-but-never-told-me-so-now-I’m-going-to-force-you-to-marry-me-or-live-with-me-under-threat-of-a-custody-battle-but-eventually-we-will-fall-in-love story line)? Don’t the heroines/mothers know that it would be very difficult for the heroes/fathers to win such a custody battle because they hadn’t registered? Then again, maybe the hero would have a claim if it’s not really his fault that he didn’t register because he was in prison when the baby was born since he met the heroine and they conceived the child after he escaped from prison and kidnapped her as his hostage but of course she succumbed to his rugged sensuality… (Yes, this is a real plot from a book, and yes, I read it. Don’t judge me.)
But what if hero wasn’t in prison and just dropped the heroine off at the airport after their one-time weekend fling?
Even if he is a professional hockey player, should he be able to threaten the heroine with a custody battle six years later until she agrees to let him see their daughter? The heroine should have seen a lawyer. —even if she was still hopelessly attracted to him—because clearly the deadbeat hero should have registered or checked in with her once or twice during the past six years if he was genuinely concerned with any potential offspring from the passionate affair. (Another real book. And yes, I read it, too.)
Oh well. At least I can say that they provide useful hypothetical fact patterns for Family Law problems. But I guess I should just accept that law school will claim my love of silly romance novels, along with my soul.